All The Stories I Wrote Were True ...

Downburst of Dreams ...

2012-02-07T15:51:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last night in a hurry for a Creative Writing course which cancelled out today. In order to get it away from me, lest I start editing the hell out of it, I thought I'd post it up on the blog.

It's about Insomnia, Los Angeles, Driving, Television and possibly Winona Ryder ... I think. The topic was 'coming from a place of fury' ... anyone that knows me, knows how I get with zero hours of sleep, which does happen often.

nopartner.pdf

8 pages ... took about an hour.

Okay enough distractions.

Light through a Prism ...

2012-02-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Thoughts Gathered from my Creative Writing Class
week one - 01.30.12 thru 02.02.12

Are you the kind of person that:

A. Sees the world and must make mention of the ceiling above everyone, all the while telling them how far up it is and "You're definitely welcome that I noticed it for you because you weren't looking and not able to see it."

B. Constantly bumps and thuds against that ceiling everyday of your life unknowingly, until it finally shatters, breaks into a thousand pieces and then stops, turns and apologize, saying: "Sorry, I had my headphones on and was focused on something else. Whoops. Really sorry 'bout that."

add question mark.

I've taken many Creative Writing classes through the years and I've always been keenly aware of my fellow students, but this time it's a little different. Hearing other people's struggle is the reward for participation.

Before, it was about me and I was always caught up in some life or death struggle that had me half-distracted. Now, my writing has my full-attention and it's impossible for me to see everything through my own single lens. I'm always perplexed by people, older than myself who are still complete prisoners to themselves. It can be grotesque even. This must be the nexus of good horror, or it feels like it.

Some say that we revert back to an infantile status as we age, but I think Aubrey DeGray would disagree, or at least hope to. I spend a lot of time thinking about aging, but that's my own cross.

For me, it will be a challenge due to proximity. I usually keep a very long distance but discomfort is often the price of admission into many things.

Managing a Creative Writing Class of 30 odd folks? Sounds incredibly exhausting. Thankfully, I have an instructor with the energy to handle it all. Some people seem born to it. The craft of writing needs more energetic people like that. I have had some previous instructors where it was like one of those Visene commercials with Ben Stein, literally. Glad to be back around people who want to write versus rowing around in a little boat by myself for the last two years.

The story of four brothers … over a very long period of time …

2012-01-30T23:14:00.000-08:00

My one complaint with U2 … for a very long time … was thelack of what they’ve done here in this film. Something close and personal.Something intimate and revealing – outside of a song. Something that explains,from them, what the hell we’ve all been engaged in, headlong, for so damn long.

There are a group of people on this planet that wheneverthey hear the word U2, they cringe. It’s hard to get around or dismiss thesepeople and for someone like me who is a serious fan, it’s hard to understand whyand difficult to grasp how all that happened. If you watch this documentary …and pay close attention … all becomes clear.

The film opens with a narration from Bono, interspersed withsnippets from Edge, Larry and Adam as well as moments from everyone else closeto the center of this universe. Brian Eno, Paul McGuinness, Anton Corbijn. Itpicks up – exactly – where the last real documentary footage they remasteredand released left off. Most that read this likely bought the remasteredreleases which included The Unforgettable Fire and had their experience ofmaking that album at Slane Castle in the eighties.

The first revelation: They struggled with putting on bigshows, being consistent and worrying that they didn’t have enough material tokeep it going.

Wow. I have a lot of the concert recordings of them throughthe eighties and I never once thought that at all. Your fears are truly yourown, no matter who you are. That’s probably revelation number two, but that wasmine, for me, maybe not a universal one.

The conversation steers towards Rattle & Hum and it’ssad to hear all the reflections on it. Honestly. These four lads from Dublin invested everything they had financially to make asmall film about them being on the road and their journey through America. Theconcerts after the Joshua Tree release, for them, “were like a roller coaster,”Edge says. This is the point where the world met up with them and instead of listeningto the music and just hearing the album, which still stands up and is timeless,people became distracted by the commentary in the press, which somehow andunfortunately became louder. They were scoriated in the press for Rattle & Hum and after putting so much into it, it killed them or rather, almost killedthem.

The world, Roger Ebert, Rolling Stone, everyone – saw theeffort and them as Megalomaniacs and it would be something that was heavy,painful and difficult to shake. What’s more painful is finding this out after watchingthat musical road movie so many times, so many nights, so many Sunday afternoonsand loving it every time – even if it just played quietly in the background. I had heard that, but I never shared the opinion. I just saw it as a modern day version of Kerouac's On The Road.

There is an odd parallel here with what happened at thispoint with U2 and what happened with Weezer during their Pinkerton release[same time frame]. They both went over the edge with something too personal,something too raw, something too good for mass consumption and the critics justwalked all over it and threw it back in their faces as if none of it mattered.

For the haters, nothing happened here in this period that hadchanged. Let’s be honest. One might say that during the first 5 albums U2slowly embraced more and more of the American spirit and made it theirs. Whenyou ask some people they always say the same thing and it’s a variation ofthis:

“I like old U2 before they sold out and changed. When theywere a Rock band they kicked ass, something happened after Joshua Tree. Theirearly albums were all that mattered.”

These sentences are like the jigsaw pieces that fall out ofpeople’s mouths and unfortunately from a set of people old enough who stillcontrol radio station playlists which is why we’re always subjected to the same5 U2 songs on FM every time they get play. It’s an ongoing shame. I was in New York in April of2011 and I was stunned at the amount of U2 I heard on the radio and the varietyof the songs that played over the airwaves. I heard ‘Love is Blindness’ on somestation driving out to Jersey and ‘Please’ thenext day. For me, it was incredible. I mentioned this dilemma to my friend but he just ignored me because I often go off on tangents about history, U2, or the history of U2 -- in no discernible order.

This film is magic from the beginning to the end and willgive you a viewpoint of U2 no matter what you feel about these guys. There’sabsolutely no politics in this, no soapboxing, nothing of that magnitude. It’san internal struggle and “each man for himself” as Bono says, which isunderlined as a betrayal to the concept of a band. They were on the verge ofbreaking up and getting over the loud ringing critical tone of hate that cameat them from the failure of Rattle & Hum continuously. All of that beganthe birth of The Fly, MacPhisto, the pushing back to save themselves.

Stopping here. It’s odd to write the words: “The failure ofRattle & Hum,” Jesus that’s absurd. “The failure of Pinkerton.” An albumthat Rolling Stone later wrote was one of the great top ten concept albumsever. I’m curious now what they say about Rattle & Hum. The irony and thenext revelation, which isn’t the first time one might here it, is:

“You can’t listen to the critics.”

But possibly, there’s some serious untruth in that. In dealing withthe pain of what had happened, they came up with ‘One’ which thenchanged everything. The album came from that moment and everything after followed.

Haters love to mention the album Pop, but that's only because they haven't listened to it from beginning to end. They should called the damn thing 'Hymnal' because that's honestly what that thing is. It's like Bach's collections of Chorales. Everything points back to God in one manner or another and that's not a crime or a bad thing. Some people could use a little more faith, even if it's just in themselves.

In modern mass-consumed music, everyone gets eaten alive,people implode, check out, blow it, say no more. Rarely do people survive it inthis manner shown here. Often bands ditch members and continue, note Foreigner’sproblems and Lou Gramm. Note Creedence Clearwater Revival who are stillfighting with lawyers to this day. Something has to be said about the intensedesire to show up to work and keep going, keep making music and pushingforward. Nothing is ever perfect, but nothing would’ve been a bitterer pill toswallow for sure. If you can’t find something good, you’re probably just notlooking.

“You have to reject one expression of the band, first, beforeyou get to the next expression – and in between, you have nothing. You have torisk it all.” -- Bono

Marlowe's Respect for Privacy ...

2012-01-12T02:36:00.000-08:00

Having read a lot of Raymond Chandler through the years and now, finally going back and re-reading everything with a more widened perspective on the genre, The High Window easily stands out as his finest work.

The High Window, unlike a lot of genre Private Detective stories, which so many other authors have spent lifetimes struggling to copy and coming up short, keeps you guessing until the very end. Some authors give you a nibble about half way through a story and it falls apart in your lap and you figure it out. The High Window defies that solidly. You will be guessing about this one until the very end. Nothing is done ham-handedly or over-quick just to wrap it up either. This book could serve as a role model to other authors about how to write an ending, as I'm sure it has -- even if you don't write Detective Noir fiction.

If you're reading this review and a certain Humphrey Bogart film brought you here, and you don't know much about Raymond Chandler, just know that he was and is considered one of the greatest writers of the 20th Century. During his lifetime however he was dismissed as just a regular struggling hack novelist, because of the Genre, and not given a lot of attention. A lot of other authors, like Philip K. Dick for instance, another Angelino, suffered greatly under this prejudice during their lifetime because of supposed conventionalities. Sometimes, looking back you just have to wonder if it really was a West Coast prejudice, where anything outside of the New York circle of authors was thought worthless, or the critics just didn't have enough insight into life. Probably both.

The High Window moves very quickly, very smoothly, never misses a beat or falls flat for a single page. Chandler did drink a lot and it sometimes shows in his other novels, but with this effort you can see a lot of genius, planning and careful, methodic work ... just like the protagonist Philip Marlowe working a case.

The dialogue is as witty as Farewell, My Lovely and the wisecracks are even sharper than The Big Sleep. This book is also absent of the one problem that I have Chandler and that is his disconnection of information from novel to novel. Some of his stories never mention a single word about anyone or anything from his other books, however, in The High Window, I underlined five direct references to his other works. These are nice touches and just things I like, because it's like going to a friends house and being able to recognize the furniture. The Little Sister does a better job with bringing out a familiar cadre of Policemen, but this book is seriously where it's at.

The main thought regarding the story though is all about protection of the client and their anonymity. Marlowe knows that if he has to turn over and talk, he's pretty much out of a job. This is a story about just that and Marlowe goes to great lengths to protect that trust and Chandler does a deft job in making it a subtle undercurrent throughout the book, giving The High Window a sort of 'Moralist' back-drop. While he takes on only one paid client, it feels as if he makes an exercise in proving that his word is his bond with just about everyone he meets.

Personally, this is easily my favorite Chandler novel to date.

There's a few youtube links below regarding some documentary footage concerning Chandler as well a Chandler interview with James Bond author Ian Fleming, where Chandler states that he believes himself to be one of the greatest living American writers -- and Fleming agrees. Fantastic stuff.

4 part Interview with Raymond Chandler and Ian Fleming:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zj6cc0T1z7I

3 part Raymond Chandler Documentary on Crime, Los Angeles and his writing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIbFzcdOKUo

...

Fast Food Coffee ... the breakdown ... Top 10.

2011-12-02T11:53:00.001-08:00

After many years of searching to alwaysfind the best cup of coffee in the morning – in a hurry, I'vecompiled a kind of impromptu list from my daily journals from notesI've taken about the morning cup of coffee that most of us are forcedto drink or run head into.

Over the years, I've gone from anon-coffee drinker, to someone who used to order Ethiopian beans inhuge bags off the internet and roast my own every morning – to now– a person who doesn't really give a damn excepting the fact that Ihate shitty coffee and I know exactly what it is and where it willlikely be found and thus easily avoided. If this list helps you at all, then I've done my work.

This is a list built of my own opinion,hence it is not gospel, however, I'm sure if a list were constructedby unbiased experts, I'm betting I wouldn't be far off.

First the top ten, then I'll post abrief description or explanation of each entry. There really is nobenchmark in this, because the real benchmark should be the stuff youmake in your kitchen that you're perfectly content with, but that'sreally more of a high-water mark, or rather high-coffee ring, so tospeak.

7-11
Jack in The Box
McDonalds
Starbucks
IHOP
Burger King / Seattle's Best
Denny's
AmPm
Circle K
Subway

I've left Karl's Jnr off the listbecause seriously, the coffee isn't their strong suit and it's arelatively unvisited franchise even on the East Coast, which is knownas Hardee's. Dunkin Donuts also have good coffee but their franchisebase has diminished to such a level that they're more popular in theGrocery Store now. Peets coffee is also in the same boat. If I wereto make a list of Grocery Store brands, this list would obviouslylook diffferent.

Honorable mention goes to Sheetz forsome of the best tasting and the most thoughtfully constructedexperience in the business. I've had Sheetz several times, and sadlyonly on the East Coast when I was out visiting family, but here's agroup of folks that don't take coffee lightly. If Sheetz was WestCoast – they'd be in the number 1 spot, just sayin. If you've hadtheir coffee – you'd agree.

7-11 … This place takes their coffee duties very seriously and if you've ever seen the episode of Undercover Boss where they featured the CEO working as a grunt for the company, you'll know just how serious they take the business of coffee. 7-11 understands it to be the reason of their success and they have it down to a science. The coffee is typically consistent, as it can be, rarely burnt or burnt tasting and always in stocked supply. You just cannot go wrong. The coffee is damn good, not acidic and the milk and creamers safe.
Jack in The Box is a place that most people wouldn't normally associate good coffee with, but when it comes to high quality, superb and consistent tasting coffee this fast-food franchise tops the list. They, like 7-11, specialize in the idea of coffee as they take their breakfast menu as serious as gospel. If Zagat rated them, they'd have a sticker in the window for sure.
McDonalds, as everyone knows does – these days – have fantastic coffee. It's tasty, full flavoured and mostly consistent. The downfall though is that it's TOO DAMN HOT. I have to wait almost five to ten minutes every time I get a cup to cool down or I'll burn my face off. There's no reason to be serving coffee that hot, but yet they do. It's almost as if someone at McDonalds realized they had great coffee and then stopped thinking about everything after the taste. For this reason, if you come later in the morning, the likelihood of getting a burnt cup of coffee exists and is more likely the later it gets and the older the pot is. C'mon people. Fix it.
Starbucks should be the benchmark for everyone as they're the most prolific, but they're just not the best. Most people's chief complaint with Starbucks is that the coffee – the stuff you get for just over a buck that's not espresso based or mixed – is always burnt tasting, badly acidic and too bitter. I have a belief that this is something that occurs in their roasting process because it's also evident in the bags you can buy either at the store or in the Grocery mart. Even at home, after I've ground it and brewed it, it's still bitter harsh and burnt tasting. Most people say the same thing across the board about Starbucks, but year after year, they don't address it and don't seem to care, agree or even offer a real alternative. Their smooth blend is just as acidic as the rest. There is likely a disconnect between coffee and coffee snobbery in this equation.
IHOP or International House of Pancakes makes a damn fine cup of mud, the coffee is good, usually not painfully strong, but just enough and often -- just right. The only problem they have is when they're busy, they have the tendency to serve watered down or stale coffee and often the coffee canisters they have never seem to be washed thoroughly between servings. A cup of coffee at two in the afternoon is likely being served to you in a canister that has been in service since 4 am. The other breakdown is their coffee cups which sometimes come dirty and usually end up giving you a stomach ache and force you to run to the bathroom as soon as you get home.
Burger King makes decent coffee. It's Seattle's Best brand, and if you haven't already caught on, Seattle's Best suffers from the same curse that Starbucks does. It's often too strong, too burnt and typically inconsistent. I've been told by people who have worked for Seattle's Best that they use a lot of the same machinery that Starbucks does to mass-roast their beans for consumption and that they also use the same specs that Starbucks does during the roasting process, thus the similarity in taste and obvious similarity in dissatisfaction. Seattle's Best is everywhere and you'll often find it in Airports, in the mall and other smaller restaurants that have decided to carry it. They've done a good job in getting the brand out, but they suffer from being too much of a Starbucks clone and user error, like letting coffee sit, or dirty cups in places that serve in mugs.
Denny's is honestly the last place you want to get coffee simply because the dirty cup error rate is through the roof. Coffee goes from being a good stimulating beverage to being nasty, greasy laced grump water that will have you running for the can. It is what is. They do use good premium coffee though and if you have a cast iron stomach and bowels, you'll likely survive it. They should actually just serve coffee in disposable paper cups like Starbucks and move on to be safer. Get it together Denny's.
AmPm Coffee, across the board, is pretty bad and most people usually have to suffer a cup whenever they're driving somewhere or have no other option. The have that 'High Voltage' coffee that I wouldn't give to a coma patient or a Red Bull addict. They do strong sales on the stuff because they often are found in places where their isn't much choice and folks are usually in a daze or coming down from a high from something else. The coffee is often cold, stale and too acidic. I can't think of anyone who actually likes this stuff, speaks highly of it or goes out of there way for it. On top of it, when I've gone in and had to get a cup, driving away several times, I've noticed a surcharge on the coffee because I paid with my ATM. Damn them. I paid extra for a mixture of crude oil and stomach acid?
Circle K really needs to overhaul their coffee operation as it's an embarrassment. I've seen employees, with my own two eyes, when making the coffee recycling the coffee bags for a second go round, which is just mind-numbing. Circle K doesn't mean Recycle the Koffee, even though it should. The coffee is ALWYS burnt and old and I'm often too scared to use the creamers and milk as I once poured out sour milk from the canister and on another occasion the little creamer things looked older than time itself. Circle K can take umbrage with this post all they want, but they have an employee-coffee handling-breakdown that is just unacceptable. I would also imagine that store owners tell them to recycle the coffee bags in order to save money. Sad.
Subway is also Seattle's Best but if you wish to taste the coffee at Seattle's Worst, go here. Whatever they're doing, it's all wrong. The interesting thing though is that there is so little employee interaction with the coffee, the failure really isn't due to user error like at Denny's, but the way the process was thought out. The coffee is ALWAYS too damn strong, (look at the miniature thermos's they use) usually on the cold side and often stale, and typically because MOST people DON'T go to Subway for coffee because they've failed in creating a worthwhile and memorable cup of joe. Their breakfasts are fantastic, I just wish the coffee would get it together and became as spectacular. I might spend more early mornings there enjoying some, but alas. They come in last because this kind of thing is like suicide on your business. If you can't bring people in for breakfast, you're losing out to someone else like Jack in The Box or McDonalds. Sorry. You guys need to get it together quick. Buy some real equipment to handle your coffee, it'll pay for itself quickly. No brainer.

Earlier this summer, my Krups coffee machine broke after many years of valuable service and I've been using a French Press thus discovering how good and simple a cup of coffee can be and how easy to attain without fuss.

All the best ...
Steffan

Report: Last Night's Sleep ... Hell ...

2011-11-18T09:53:00.001-08:00

While suffering greatly from illness once again, something that typically and suspiciously appears to be Pnuemonia, I fell into a fevered state of lucid dreaming - inclusive of music, reflections of myself in the mirror and a hovering OBE, or Google map point-of-view for the less informed and the worst possible realization regarding Hell.

I was driving through some non-descript looking desert in the middle of the day, driving what appeared to be one of those boxey Toyota FJ cross over vehicles (sign you're in hell - red flag number 1) and listening to the radio which was playing one of the most obnoxious songs in recent memory (not Aqua's Barbie Girl), which strangely for me is a U2 number called 'Vertigo' and if you've ever heard it, you'd likely agree (red flag number 2). It has the tinge of a desperate, overweight 45 year old's mid-life crisis written all over it. Perhaps I've just heard too many older, balding white men blaring that song from their drop-top corvette, wearing Ed Hardy clothes at the stop light to ever have a warm and cozy spot in my heart for that song ever again. Maybe it's just me. The radio played:

A girl with crimson nails - has Jesus round her neck.

I knew there was reason to be frightened imediately. I looked up from staring at my hands on the steeringwheel (yes, I know what this signifies) instead of out the windshield and on the road that was glaring in at me, saw my face in the rearview mirror, and could see that I was about twenty years older; not good (red flag number 3). Prophetic visions while sick are never good, no matter what one says. I want to see real long-range data to back up any claims to the contrary.

A moment later I realized that I was now working as a Real Estate Agent (red flag number 4) and going to either show a house to someone or check in on one. The thought of it repulsed me so much, that I could feel a cold chill run down my spine lying there asleep.

While I do currently know several people, who are friends and family, who make their living at this trade, it is my contention that Real Estate sales is actually one of the worst jobs on the face of the Earth and sales in general is a troubling, fraught filled trade that has more lost souls than any other. A person could spend their entire lives chasing down sales, trying to culminate a worthwhile lead list, develop a name for themselves, ad naseum, all while getting absolutely nowhere. The chase of the ideal with zero return is probably the most debilitating thing I know. Christianity does something similar, but at least promises you a grand afterlife. Sales, is almost the same thing, except no heaven at all; either here or later. Just more coffee and the promise that someone will come in later and give you a 'motivational lecture' where you'll likely leave feeling less worthwhile than when you went in.

So, when I say that my version of Hell on Earth would be to be involved in Real Estate sales, I mean no offense. I've just worked in sales for enough years in my life to know that it would be a crime to wish that career choice any any one. I worked in car sales for quite a length of time, sold a respectable 15-20 cars a month for the dealership, but could barely ever afford anything more than cat food for myself because of how crooked and dishonest most car dealerships are. If you're not in the inner circle of salespeople, regardless of how much you sell, you won't share in the rewards. I guarantee it. I also worked in door to door sales, where you usually only make enough just to keep you afloat and hungry. Did the same thing in software sales and telemarketing, too. But that's the whole point of sales, from Upper Management's perspective, isn't it?

If you die and go to Hell, the general thought (by most theological scholars, like C.S. Lewis for example), is that you probably wouldn't know it, because half of the joy of Upper Management, so to speak, is delude you into believing that you're actually not in Hell. A perverse and sadistic sense of gratification will always be present in those kinds of relationships. I read an article recently that spoke about it in terms of what is known as Gaslighting -- which, this would be Gaslighting, but with a completely opposite desired effect. Instead of telling your partner that they're completely delusional or crazy, you would be told that you're perfectly sane, wonderful and living in Paradise. You would be getting gas lit and motivated to keep chasing something that just doesn't exist. That's evil, people. Pure evil.

C.S. Lewis states in Mere Christianity, that you make your own Heaven or Hell for yourself here on Earth. It's merely my opinion, but Sales is probably the fastest most direct route to the latter. He also states that little by little, after many years of working against yourself, you will actually find yourself in Hell and likely not recognize it. In my copy of the book, it's somewhere near page 70, but don't quote me.

My dream ended with me hovering over the desert, staring down at the buildings and seeing the traffic moving and people walking around, oblivious to me and for some reason all I could notice was the pricing numbers that were showing up in glowing white figures on top of the buildings and all the property was strangely devalued to about 60% of what it is now - if that's any indication for you as to what I foretell for the future. I don't know how that sits with the current thinking about a Kondratiev Winter, but it was just a dream. More Nyquill, please. Less Mitch & Murray. No Steak Knives, either.

As a sidenote, as I was writing this blog post, my sister posted a video for me to see on Facebook which involved Vivaldi (whom I love immensely) and U2 (whom I also love) -- but as a mashup of ... you guessed it ... Vertigo. Red Flag number 5.

Tattoo Removal ...

2011-10-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit skeptical about posting something so personal, but I thought it might be interesting to see how well this goes over the next 5-10 weeks and watch the results.

I was talking to someone yesterday about having all my tattoo's removed and the pain involved in getting them lasered away. I had received a quote from a professional Tattoo Removal Clinic that seems more than trustworthy in Los Angeles called South Coast Med Spa. They quoted me approximately $1200 to have everything completely removed after several treatments and I'd likely not have any trace of the tattoos left at all. Luckily, all my tattoo's are standard blue/black in colour, and thus the easiest to remove. No reds, purple or orange, etcetera. I was happy with the price, but I've kept putting it off as driving into Los Angeles is really schedule intensive for me right now.

I've also been told by several people who have undergone laser treatment, that yes, it does work, but it's about twice as painful as getting the tattoo to begin with. So you really have to be dedicated as some people actually stop going to treatments because of it. However, if you're determined to get rid of it, you'll just have to push yourself.

Here's a few of them, but not all. ~~I can't photograph the one on my back~~ (updated) and the one on my ankle, I'll likely leave alone -- maybe. The one on my arm I'm not posting for private reasons. Someone's name. Make sense?

EDIT: Someone just asked me offline to post ALL the pics so we could see the full result, and especially THAT pic. But in the immortal words of B.B. King ... "I did what I did, before love came to town ..."

These pics were taken with my 5 mp cell phone, so they're not really the best. I'll swap them out later with better ones.

Please don't judge my skinny flabbiness either. I haven't worked out at all since June as I've been locked in my office writing everyday and I've become flabby, pale and just honestly out of shape. But I'm on a schedule for my next three books and it can't be helped.

The person I was talking with was telling me about 'Wrecking Balm' and that it actually worked and was effective. She said it takes about 5 weeks to get a really good result and works very quickly. I've got five weeks. Why not? For $50 from Wal-Mart, per box, I thought I'd give it a shot. So, here goes.

This is what the directions state exactly from the product packaging.

Use the WreckingBalm System 3 times a week on an area about 1% of your body (approximately the size of your palm).

I'll update once a week to not be tedious. Fingers crossed.

Rosary ...

2011-10-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

Kindle Edition: http://on.fb.me/raELyr

Recently, I was asked to participate in a Halloween themed short story live reading. I was to show up and read a Horror genre tale to a live audience, mostly for laughs and cheap thrills as is common during this season. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I'm unable to attend the event and so I was left with this story and nowhere to put it.

This is a tale about Unicorns, The Edge, Bono, going to Ireland, Hallow's eve, one man's Rosary and all that can go awry when darkness intervenes.

Having written a bit of horror for the screen before, I believe in being original with material and not rehashing themes just to be cute. I hope you enjoy this story. It's a mere 15 pages at 5100 words and my Hallow's eve present to all my readers.

All the best,
Steffan

No harm intended if any feel I've trespassed on anything sacred. This, at least, is all fiction.

...

Shitbird ... 2012 ...

2011-10-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, some things are harder to let go of than others. Sometimes things are more difficult to say than you may have first imagined. Some things we want to say, at times, must be weighed, measured and considered, seriously before we do. Then, when you realize that you must ...

They're singing deck the halls ... but it's not like Christmas at all ...

2011-09-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

Twelve things that I tell myself every night before I go to sleep ...

2011-07-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

I’ve been repeating many of these for years. Some I keep changing. Most I try to live by – even if I don’t.

1. You’ve got to do what you’re meant to do.

2. Enjoy the things that you know in your heart wont last.

3. Everything will change. Everything.

4. No one will ever love you as much as you want them to.

5. Do what you need to make yourself happy. You must.

6. Your mind travels faster than your feet.

7. Sleep when you can. You won’t always be able to.

8. Those you love the most are not obligated to love you back – and often won’t.

9. Even if you think you know your fate, don’t leave it to chance.

10. The best things in life are those that you’ll never speak of.

11. The directions received from instinct are not to be ignored.

12. When in doubt ... there is no doubt.

Steffan

... Been writing ...

2011-07-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

Been busy writing, trying to get two books done by the close of summer and it does take a lot of focus to stay on track, but it is going good. Someone asked me the other day about writing and I just had to say that it's like pouring out water from an endless glass. I wish I could take credit for it, but I know I can't. I'm just thankful.

If life had a theme, this song, 40 by U2, would be it. Just wanted to share and not spend too much time blogging. This isn't my video, by the way, just something from Utube. Pay attention to the opening lyric.

Stay safe, have fun and enjoy summer.

A few words about Paul Hewson, U2 and their Tax Issues ...

2011-06-26T17:40:00.000-07:00

Having followed this story for some time, I, too, like many others have been perplexed and interested in the moral ramifications of this story. But here's what I've gotten from this story that most people seem to miss, or choose to not fully address:

1. Tax avoidance is perfectly legal, it's tax evasion that is a crime, and there is a difference. We may not agree with what they are doing, but they aren't doing anything different than any other high profile artists or big corporations.

2. Bono's time spent campaigning for the poor is worth a thousand times more than his own personal fortune in money and effect. What he and the rest of the band do with their hard earned cash is of no ones business but their own.

3. U2 has invested millions, if not close to a billion dollars in Ireland's economy, directly, in the thirty five years that they've been making money. Ireland has benefitted greatly directly because of their Pop Statesmen campaigning with National Pride for their home country.

4. U2 recently created a $6 Million dollar (one million dollars more than the Irish Government said they were cheated out of on 'projected tax revenue') educational endowment in Ireland for children who wish to learn music or pursue careers in music. I'm not too aware of other artists / musicians in this modern age that have done the same or anything close, even with the public knowing full well the US educational system has been grossly defunded. I haven't read too many other articles about other artists stepping up to the plate.

5. The last time I checked, U2 are not supposed to be the lifeblood of a failing domestic economy, especially one that's been spiralling since the economic decline began. Is it no mystery that one of the biggest and consistent cash cows would eventually become outed in the press for withholding the moment the politicians needed more money?

6. While the maistream press may seem set against U2, and specifically Bono (being the frontman and mouthpiece of the band), attacking them ad infinitum for the 'egregiousnous of tax evasion,' and continuing to report on the issue as if they were the perpatrators of some crime, it seems that bloggers en masse, back on their home Island nation, are more supportive of U2 and less supportive of the politicians as the news on the ground regarding how the majority of the money is spent is actually quite different in tone and scope as it's reported elsewhere. So, clearly, a lot of folks are just misinformed about Ireland's domestic political situation and see U2 as an easy scapegoat.

7. As an author, a writer and a critic, I have written a fairshare of negative things about both U2 and Bono, so I've never been to Guyana with these guys and I'm far from a kool-aid drinker even though I am a fan. While it might seem easy to demonize Paul Hewson in this as a non-paying sell-out, which the man is definitely not, this is actually an issue of Domestic Irish Politics, an issue that most people would likely fail to be able to grasp the complexity of without having boots on the ground, so to speak.

8. On a speculative point, perhaps both Bono and U2 may feel that they have paid MORE than their fair share into a tax system where they only seemingly earn less than 5% of their revenue from. Perhaps they completely disagree with the way the politicians are handling the money, which wouldn't seem far fetched if you've been following the news about DSK, the way the Euro has been handled and the IMF. Perhaps they feel those entities are inherently corrupt, and have been misspending the monies that they have happily paid them in the past, and is now inappropriate to continue to do so. Perhaps they felt it was time to base themselves elsewhere, as ethically, they they had reached a point, politically where:

“the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part ...”

Yes, I always find it interesting that Mario Savio's words, uttered in 1964 must always echo when considering people's interaction with the state. Perhaps finally, out of National respect, they've kept their disagreement quiet, which they mostly have, as protesting it would incite many more to object, creating a more negative situation back home.

Interestingly enough, I have a lot of very-conservative friends that live in all parts of the United States, and I've had many conversations about U2 and their tax issue with a few of them, in person, on the phone and also over email. All of them point them out as if they're boastful heretics who evade. People who decry U2, but then support US policies that protect ultra-lenient taxation policies of the ultra-rich, who are the real evaders, on their own soil, need to fully look inward instead looking like blatent hypocrites. It's a position that just doesn't sit amicable with each other. Do you support what you think are socialist doctrines or not?

As a pretty politically conservative person myself, I do believe in a strong social safety net, which might seem incongruent. I just don't support a flagrant abuse of the system where everyone is entitled to some lush Roman-esque lifestyle which is just absurd and unfinanceable. I've blogged before about how Arts and Education, in the US, used to be funded by the Rockefeller's and people just like Bono, Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, Madonna, etcetera, but how today almost none of them don't contribute directly at all. It would be better if people voluntarily funded these things out of generosity, but-- where does the line stop and start where it's right or even just to expect them to, or legislate that they must, or contrive a system that forces them to unfairly?

All I know, is that I'm not U2, Paul Hewson or Lady Gaga and I don't face any of those choices at all with my money. But the conversation is ours to be had and ours to think on. Hopefully, we do so however with a fair perspective and realize that our idol's are not immortals, so to speak, and they're (very likely) also not demons, either. Artists are supposed to make us think – not fund our, or other, Governments misdeeds or growing pains.

Breakfast at 3am with Peter Falk ...

2011-06-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

It was sad to hear of the passing this morning of Peter Falk. I never watched him on TV as a kid, growing up, for various reasons, but I saw plenty of Columbo via the beauty of re-runs and his appearances in film were very profound and thoughtful the older I got. From the Grandpa in The Princess Bride, which I wrote a lot about in a certain novel, to playing himself as an Angel in Wings of Desire and many other very memorable films. Those clearly being my favourite.

I met Peter Falk twice in life and was surprised both times. The first time I met him, I was walking my little dachshund 'Kira' over by Bob Hope's old house in Toluca Lake on Moorpark. I lived here for anyone curious as to where I was at in Burbank / Toluca Lake between 2000 and 2007. I miss that place a lot since I've moved out to the desert, but everything has a time and place and it was definitely time to go after Fox was born. 1000 square feet is just too small for three people.

On one of the streets where we were walking, many of them homes of the stars, a film crew had set up shop and was in the process of filming something, most-likely for TV. A lot of exterior stuff for CSI, Criminal Minds and other similar police dramas are all filmed in this area. CSI Las Vegas had shot something in the building next to mine once and all I can recall about it was the nightmare of a parking situation it created for four days.

That day, I had stopped at what is affectionately known as a 'Roach Coach' and got a can of coke. As I was stepping away, a few feet in front of me was Peter Falk. I didn't know if he was part of the film set right away or not until he asked me point blank:

"Hey, whattya shootin here?"

Flabbergasted, I tried to remain composed and I said that I didn't know, but it was likely a TV show. He smiled at that and bent down and petted Kira who had been sniffing around his shoes. Having met a handful of celebrities, I usually have a policy of not saying anything about being a fan or asking for autographs or anything of the kind and I've definitely met a few. I usually just behave as if they're my next-door neighbor whom I haven't yet met face to face but have heard about. This time though, I felt compelled. I said something like this:

"Mr. Falk, I just wanted to say thanks for the laughs. It really is nice to meet you." I put out my hand like an idiot, hoping for it to get shook, which he very casually did, and laughed. His response was something like:

"Ha! I'm glad you kids enjoy it. That's the best part."

It was a simple moment, but a real magic one for me. Being a huge fan of The Princess Bride, I really felt like he was a grandfather to us all. I think a lot of other people did as well.

I spent a lot of those nights, especially between 2002 and 2006 not sleeping at all and keeping very bad hours. I mostly rose when the sun came up and crawled back in bed when it went down. Having no obligations to be anywhere at the time, I spent a lot of time driving around the city at night and writing endlessly. Many nights, I ended up over at a local restaurant known as 'Bob's Big Boy'. The one in Burbank is a landmark and during the day is usually packed with tourists, lookey-loo's or studio folk grabbing a quick lunch. The Proximity to Warner Brothers can only be measured in feet. Looking back, I probably ate there two or three times a week.

One of the nights I was there, editing the previous mentioned book, I was sitting at a table by the windows in front and I was the only person there besides the cook and two other waiters. My waiter, Utai, who also shows up in the book, always brought my coffee with his thumb sticking half-way into the cup. A bit disgusting, but I felt bad constantly having to ask him to not do it. He just had some bad habits as a waiter, but was really a nice guy. Last I heard, he had retired from working at Bob's and had gone back to the Philippines.

That night, Peter Falk walked in and I immediately recognized him. I doubt he would've remembered me from when I met him with Kira though, which about a year and a half had now passed. He was sporting his signature late-in-life tan and had dressed very casually in jeans and a black button down shirt. Even at three am he managed to look classy. Noticing that I was the only person in the place, he swiveled around, looking at the empty restaurant and said this:

"Well, I guess it would be rude if I didn't sit with ya. Are you working?"

I can still hear his voice in my head, because for a common person like me, it was a moment I'd never forget. "Sure" and "Please" were likely all I could manage. He had said he couldn't sleep and was driving around and decided to stop and eat. I had the feeling it wasn't the first time he had felt like that and likely not the first time in Bob's at night either.

So, we had breakfast together that morning and he even read over the two chapters I was working on. One was a chapter about a strip club, which made him laugh and the other was a chapter about the LAPD, which he was surprised by and asked me if it was true. We spoke for a while longer about the LAPD Rampart Division scandal that had plagued the city a few years previous. I did mention meeting him with the dog, we had another cup of coffee and then after a few 'nice meeting ya, keep at it. That's good writing.' and 'be well,' he departed.

For a moment there was a period of awkwardness as I was leaving too, but I didn't want to follow him outside as that would've been weird. So I just waited a moment, paid my bill and headed out. Mostly dazed by the encounter. I've told this story only to a few people close to me over the years and so I thought it was appropriate to write about it now.

Reading about him today, hit me with a wave of sadness and made a part of me wish that I had stayed in Burbank / Toluca Lake and possibly had a few more moments with him. I think that's the way it is for everyone when someone you admire or love passes. You just have to be thankful for the memories you do have and be thankful.

But of course ... one more thing ...

Keanu Reeves will not be Televised ...

2011-06-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a poem I wrote in ode to Keanu back in 1999, following the Columbine shooting. It's timely now that he's bringing out his own book of poetic fare, for $55 too! What a bargain.

Keanu Reeves Will Not Be Televised ...

I’m standing in this welfare line . . .
And Keanu Reeves is on the screen.
Actors are out on strike just down the block . . .
And Keanu Grease is on the screen.
I can’t seem to get a break . . .
And No-Clue Reeves is on the screen.

The landlord gave me a three-day note . . .
And Keanu Reeves is on the screen.
I’m begging like a maggot at the five and dime . . .
And Keanu Reeves is on the screen.
I haven’t changed my shorts in over a week . . .
And Keanu Bleeds is on the screen.

People are getting shot in Colorado . . .
And Keanu Grieves is on the screen.
They’re giving out awards on MTV . . .
And Keanu Reeves is on the screen.
Some bastard is having an excellent adventure . . .
And Keanu Cheese is on the screen.

A million dollars in adverts just got spent . . .
And Keanu Plebe is on the screen.
Girls in Japan have creamed in their cotton drawers . . .
And Keanu Breeds is on the screen.
If this world is just a ‘simulation’ then tell me. . .
Why is Keanu Reeves on the screen?

I can’t sustain this love affair . . .
But Keanu Reeves is on the screen.

(A thought that crossed my mind, driving down Highland Blvd)

[from my book of poetry 'Electronic Butterflies, published by Past Life Press. On Amazon.]

A few words on J.B. Dickey ...

2011-06-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, it seems a dust-up occurred with a Seattle-area Mystery Boookstore and Amazon Publishing. The bookstore openly refused to do business with Amazon Publishing, allow their authors to give signings or even sell their books.

As an Amazon author, I understand the man's sentiment, even though it's misplaced. I, too, also ran a bookstore years ago in Los Angeles and I fully understand the nature of the business. Independent bookstores though do not break or thrive based upon Amazon, their imprints or their authors. Amazon is also NOT the piano wire of modern publishing as the gentleman would like to assert.

The traditional publishing houses, the big 6 as they've collectively been titled, have done more damage to the industry over the last several decades than Amazon has in the 17 years they've been in business and emerging as the largest and strongest competitor. Reinventing something is never looked at with a smile. It's also interesting that they're the most "author-friendly" in the business, even while others would like the public to believe otherwise.

When I recently attended BEA in NY, I heard some incredibly egregious and off-coloured remarks about Amazon and all of them were either sad, bitter and wrong or just dead wrong. A few people actually publicly made fools of themselves in front of large groups of people at the convention trying to assert that kind of ad hominem rhetoric. Mr. Dickey is just expressing publicly what certain people have been saying behind closed doors for some time, and there's really no mystery in that at all.

I think most of us have known that this issue was going to become more heated in time. If that's sooner rather than later, I would just advise folks to be thoughtful and not assume that everything people are yelling with the tone of terror, is necessarily accurate.

On the survival of brick and mortar bookstores ...

2011-06-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

A few words on the subject from someone who once owned and operated a bookstore in Los Angeles.

Yes ... there are some rules bookstores should follow if they wish to survive, especially chain stores:

1. Sell Coffee and other refreshments. Obviously.

2. Offer a place for your patrons to sit and read. Obviously.

3. Hold writing workshops for struggling authors.

4. Hold publishing workshops for struggling authors.

5. Hold editing workshops for struggling authors.

6. Bookstores need to STOP selling back large quantities of merchandise to the publishers. Hold larger book sales with worthwhile events and be more mindful when ordering copies. Carry less stock of the same item. No one needs 1000 copies of 'The Girl that Did Such and Such.'

7. Do everything they can to support writers instead of just cashing in on them. Stop raping the patrons over price as well. No one is paying $27.00 for a hardback anymore, excepts possibly friends and family of the authors themselves. Even avid readers buy them on sale. Publisher's need to accept the fact that certain price points are too high and bordering on robbery. Basing pricing on old, outdated myths has clearly been an iceberg.

8. Stop giving exclusivity to specific publishers and blocking others. It becomes obvious that a backroom deal was made for the shelfspace, when all the titles on the 'magic tables' are all by three publishers. Excluding independent publishers from the best locations in the store is a sin. Denying that such a partnership exists is also doubling down on said sin.

9. Be more community oriented. This is the sole reason why independent bookstores are beloved by patrons. If the chain stores took this approach, they wouldn't be suffering as bad.

10. Stop requiring a mountain of paperwork that would rival an SBA Loan just to ask to have a book signing or book reading event at the store. Requiring authors put forward a marketing plan, sales data, fill out a lengthy application and then having to wait six months for an answer is egregious and bad business. Barnes & Noble thrives on subjecting authors to this and often will only deal with Authors through Publishing Houses that they have deals with as mentioned in point 8.

Sad and true.

Steffan Goes to New York ... BEA ... part 1 ...

2011-06-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, I returned from a one week trip to New York and I've been wanting to blog about it ever since, the delay in posting came from mulling over the whole experience as so much went down. Also, an intense period of rest was required, as anyone who goes to New York knows how emotionally and physically draining the place can be, that city definitely keeps you on high alert the whole time.

I need to first just say thank you to my publisher, AmazonEncore for sending me on that trip in the first place as I hadn't been to New York since pre-Guiliani and the difference a decade and a regime makes is mind-blowing. A thousand thank you's, indeed. It was motivating on every level and eye-opening to say the least. Being able to safely cruise around Times Square at 3 am and eat pizza without being accosted by all the pimps and hookers d'jour, makes a world of difference. Thus, it wasn't the place I last visited so long ago.

Phase 1: The Journey ….

I left out of Palm Springs on Monday morning 6:15am (May 22nd), thinking to myself that traveling on the same day when I'm supposed to be somewhere is a very bad idea. Clearly, this obvious idea wasn't readily apparent as I don't travel very often and so I 'just went with it,' to use the parlance of our times.

Things should've been clear to me that events would quickly become disastrous when the plane lifted off and was immediately blown around by the wind, and then the tail end of the plane dropped during take-off and a whole gaggle of people screamed and several people, myself included, white-knuckled our arm-rests. When we finally got past all the turbulence, the Stewardess asked me if I was alright and brought me a cup of coffee. I wasn't one of the folks who screamed, but because I sitting next to her in the back of the plane, she must've seen me turn several shades of pale that likely qualified as disturbing. I can turn from tan to sheet-white in a heartbeat. My eyes go black and my hair takes on this Einstein quality and the overall picture is like something from the sketch books of Tim Burton.

Anyway, sitting next to me was a nice enough gentleman who very easily could've passed as Burt Reynolds son … and I'm not kidding when I say this because he really did look like his offspring. We hit it off and told stories the whole flight. We mostly talked about hiking the Appalachian Trail, (which I did in winter 2006) and I recounted my experience in a small town in Georgia (Hiawassee) where they had filmed Deliverance, where the trail passes by, and yes, we even discussed ol' Burt. He, unsurprisingly, had a lot to say about that movie as well and so there was a lot laughing. The flight was quick (or so I would think) but incredibly turbulent. Around 10:30, the pilot came on and told us that Dallas Ft. Worth was engulfed in a huge thunderhead / storm and that we were going to land anyway. We began to descend and the mechanical sound of the wheels came down outside. Then, without warning, the plane lifted back up and rolled away to the left in a sharp turn. Again, I don't travel much, so to me – it was bloody frightening.

“Ladies and Gentleman, just to let you know, Dallas / Ft. Worth has just been closed down due to the storm and the flight has been diverted to Wichita Falls.”

Now, most of you might know, it's apparently illegal for the airlines to keep you on a plane for more than three hours at a time, or something along those lines. However, we sat on that abandoned runway, in the middle of no-where, known also as 'Wichita Falls, Texas' for six hours. Yes, six hours. This is after being on the plane for two hours already. So that makes eight hours total. The pilot came on when we stopped there and said this:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll be parked here for the time being while we wait for the airport to re-open and then be given instruction. I've opened the back of the airplane for anyone that wants to de-board and make their own way. Just be advised that there are no facilities at this landing strip. No car rental, no phones, no restaurant or any other amenities close by. If you choose to leave, you will be doing so on your own recognizance and you will be responsible for yourself and all your luggage which you will take with you. I advise against anyone deboarding at this time as we just don't know how long it will take to get clearance. Currently there are 147 planes ahead of us. I'll update you again … blah blah blah ...”

After hearing that there were 147 flights ahead of us everyone gasped in horror. No one would be making any connection or getting to their destinations on time, myself included. Also no one got off the plane. Walking around with luggage in the middle of Hell Hole, Texas just wasn't appealing.

After the plane got back in the air and we landed at DFW … we sat on the runway for another two hours before they let us de-board. The Stewardess kept getting on the phone line with the pilot and wanted to serve refreshments, but the pilot obviously kept saying no, because nothing came, not even water. It was the most maddening thing ever. When I finally got into the terminal at 6:03 Dallas time, I realized that I had been on the plane since 6:00am Palm Springs time. Far too long for any two hour domestic flight. Someone in front of me, while de-boarding and passing the Captains cabin, yelled “jerk” just loud enough. No it wasn't me. I'd never misbehave in an airport. I know better, trust me.

So, every flight that day into DFW was cancelled. 100%. The airport was full of people and the hotels quickly sold out. I had no desire to spend two hundred bucks for a room there, it just didn't seem appealing, and there would be no flights leaving until the next day. Apparently, golf-ball sized hail stones had fallen on the shiny chrome fleet of American Airlines planes, supposedly “denting several of them which required and intense amount of inspection by qualified personnel,” or so I was told by my friend in the seat beside me from Palm Springs.

I also got the sneaking suspicion that my new friend, offspring of Burt Reynolds, was the Air Marshall. He never said so, but after ten hours of conversation, it wasn't hard to deduce as the story he told me about who he was seemed unlikely, which I will leave out for the sake of privacy. He was also the only person on the flight that looked alert enough or capable enough to deal with anyone who wanted to test the system, had it occurred. I also got an interesting peek into his wallet when he opened it for a different reason. And for the record, an Air Marshall on a commuter flight over West Texas made a lot of sense in the totality of things. Gracefully, he did offer to let me come over and crash on his couch and meet his wife and kids, knowing that I'd be trapped in DFW all night. I thanked him and abstained as I didn't want to be a burden and I also didn't want to get comfortable. He was good person and I was thankful that he sat next to me rather than someone else, as it could've gone much different.

So, yes, for the next twelve hours I was trapped in DFW. I ate baby-back ribs at TGI Fridays, had a few beers, talked to a couple of Marines on leave, had McDonalds coffee, charged my phone for free and then crawled away to a quiet spot in the main terminal and slept on the carpeted blue floor. I could've rode the internal subway all night for kicks, but it just didn't have any appeal. Mini, thankfully, got me a ticket out of there at 6am on a different airline and in the morning I promptly escaped.

US Air took me from Dallas to Philadelphia on another incredibly bumpy flight and I 'd be remiss if I didn't also note that – AGAIN – I firmly believe I was next to the Air Marshall. It really was the most interesting aspect of my journey because I have no reason why I would need to be babysat while flying. I'm not one to jump to conclusions, nor see things that just aren't there, but having Military training and being an alert person, certain folks have a tendency to stand out. I also had an interesting conversation with that guy, too, but he was far from the quality of my last friend and so we sat mostly 'at ease' during the flight into Philadelphia. Take it as you may … all I can say is 'just trust me.' Anyone that knows me, already knows that I have a penchant for gentle interrogation, or rather 'sifting,' so to speak. Sorry, old habits dies hard. The real concern may come later when I want to travel internationally. It's gonna suck to find out later that I'm on some stupid-ass watch list because I write cutesy-poetry or make ridiculous Facebook jokes or have too many friends that are 'out to pasture.'

My last flight from Philly to LaGuardia was quick. I sat next to a girl who was a Yoga instructor, and was relocating to Los Angeles from New York and stopping back to see family. We were both a bit terrified to be on that flight as it was a rinky-dink prop plane and the emergency door had a half-inch gap / crack / space which clearly showed day light. I kept thinking that someone had opened the door on the flight before us and the tech's had failed to shut the damn thing properly. For the next forty-five minutes, the two of us cracked jokes about the plane being an impromptu 7-11 as a doorbell chime kept going off every five minutes; it was like someone was coming aboard to buy coffee, cigarettes or lotto tickets. It was absurb, maddening and funny all at the same time. I was too frazzled to even care about dying anymore, which I thought was going to happen on several occasions and finally had to just let it all go.

When we touched down at LaGuardia in New York, we disembarked directly onto the tarmac. I bent down, kissed my hand and then touched the damn ground and crossed myself, thankful to be alive and be in New York. A whole day late, greasy and exhausted I'd come to discover a few hours later that American Airlines had “lost” my luggage and already sent the claim form in the mail to my house.

I also later learned that DFW had been closed again, shortly after I got out of there due to the storm, which was part of the same system that had hit Joplin, Missouri a few days previous. Had it not been for the quick-thinking to buy another ticket, I would've been trapped in DFW for a total of three days as I would later discover from watching the news.

But I'll update you tomorrow in part two of this three part series, which is just too much to fathom in one sitting.

The Curious Case of Faul McCartney ...

2011-04-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. After having just watched this in its entirety, I'm not just left speechless, but also a tad giggly. The problem with this documentary style, independent movie, is that the main premise that it tries very hard to sell is just poorly preformed and just wickedly untrue.

The premise is that some random, non-essential production company (with a fake CG Logo on their building, ahem) in Los Angeles (of all places) receives an anonymous package in the mail containing a mini-cassette player and some tapes made by now-deceased Beatle, George Harrison (gasp!), and supposedly recorded while he was in hospital after being stabbed by the much publicized intruder in 1999. These tapes, made approximately a year before his death (of lung cancer which had spread throughout his body and brain) reveal a vigourous, non-laboured sounding Harrison recounting his life in a 'documentary styled' and much rehearsed manner. His tonality in this made him a shoe-in replacement for Art Bell or any other late-night talk-show radio host. Who knew he had it in him, lol?

The real problem is that, having grown up in England myself, and have been living in America for some time, I've heard ever manner of fake British / Irish / Welsh / Scottish accent under the sun and many imitations through the years of every Beatle band member. While this person narrating tries hard, it's just far too obvious based upon inflection, word pronunciation, a lack of consistency with several different words that you just find yourself asking how someone could take themselves so serious and believe for even a minute that this would be passable. The voice-over is also remastered in stereo, just in case you were wondering.

If George Harrison would've decided to sit down and narrate some devious plot regarding the Beatles, it likely would've sounded much different as the story he weaves is sophomoric on its face and not the most cogent. A nefarious plot revolving around some unnamed MI5 agent code-named 'Maxwell' (Allo, silva hamma, then darlings?) weaves through the entire story and even leaves a shadowy hand on the death of John Lennon. Gasp! Sigh.

In too many places, this movie tries way too hard when it really doesn't have to. The reports that were made and the facts regarding the Fake Paul or Faul, as he's constantly referenced in the movie, should just be covered as-is. Yes, there was REAL hysteria about Paul McCartney's supposed 'untimely death' that started in the late 60's. Okay, so just sell us that.

Even though the Fake Paul / Faul is unmasked in this as the Scottish William Campbell, who won a look-a-like contest, the so-called George Harrison doesn't really give much detail about Faul past "John thought it would be a good idea to have a stand-in for awhile." Add in a bit about plastic surgery and ... boom ... moving on. Really? Oh, yeah ... MI5!

So, after an automobile accident one dark and stormy night / early morning, November 9th 1966, Paul leaves the recording studio angry after having an argument with John (in earlier newspaper reports through the years however, he had this so-called argument with Ringo; just sayin') and then crashes his white Austin Healey after picking up a girl named Rita who was walking in the rain. Yep. "Took her home, nearly made it." Oh yes, prepare yourself for lyric analysis to which you haven't seen the depths of before, photographic evidence, historical record and endless back-masking. The whole detailed plot of slow-leaking led by Lennon himself.

If I was Paul McCartney -- and not Faul McCartney, or any one of his many children, I'd likely be upset about all this and want to have a conversation about those so-called tapes. But if it's fraudulent, then why would he even bother? Who knows? Remember when Neil Armstrong punched that reporter in the face for suggesting the Moon landing was a fake? Yeah, it would likely go like that. Better to avoid that lawsuit, haha.

I gave this movie 4 stars because, honestly, if you're a Beatle fan and you're curious, then you should watch this as it is good entertainment and even while it's a bit contrived and less convincing than previous efforts (and there have been others) this is something to see and have a good chuckle at. So many other movies ask us to suspend our belief from tap-dancing, talking penguins to some surfer guy caught in the Matrix. Let's not be so serious, shall we?

...

When I Knew Lincoln ...

2011-03-30T01:31:00.000-07:00

What's interesting about digging up photos of your ancient ancestors sometimes, is how much they tend to look like you, or rather, you like them. The Man standing against the tree in the center with the beard is one of them, and we do bear a resemblance that is interesting. His family settled in Pennsylvania, but emigrated a generation or two earlier from Downpatrick, Ireland. Hmm ... Piper's from Downpatrick. Someone famous, who was a Piper and a Saint to boot is buried there. Definitely thought-provoking.

Still, that guy looks a lot tougher than me, even on my best day and I wouldn't want to cross him. Hate to think of all the poor bastards that found themselves down range from him. I don't own a gun, but I've slapped many a man without hesitation.

Meanwhile over at the Goodread's place ...

2011-03-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, while browsing some of the wonderful feedback that reader's had posted about my book Greyhound, from one star to five star, I was confronted by the Notice about 'Commenting on Negative Reviews', which, to me at least, is a new thing. I periodically read the posted reviews and cogitate on them much as is evinced from just perusing the activity feed on Goodreads.

I guess I need to ask the obvious question, and forgive me for being direct, flip or just irascible about it, but who in the hell is commenting on negative reviews or engaging the readers in that manner? Seriously? Aren't emerging authors, or even well-established authors counseled about their behaviour regarding customers reviews from places like Amazon, Goodreads, Librarything, Blogs, etc., and a litany of other places? I would think it would be difficult to escape the media of a long-line of well-documented cases where writers have tried to engage the readers in this negative manner and have failed epically with the public everytime. From Anne Rice all the way to every other less-than-stellar egomaniac in the writing world. I will give some room for understanding to some of these authors regarding the content of the reviews, but engaging people for flowers & bombast is just a bad practice over all.

If you're a reader, who has posted a negative review on my book, please just let me say thank you for buying it or borrowing it, reading it, spending the time to think about it after the fact, either one way or another, and then posting a review. I wholly appreciate it. I may have my own feelings about it, but I also know that you have the right to have yours. So, don't feel bad if you don't like it. Not all things are suitable for all people. You may get caught up in certain aspects of the story like voice, believability, structure, mechanics or what-have-you, but that's your thing. Again, I may not agree with you in the context of the big picture or life in general, but to each their own.

I'm forever perplexed about human behaviour and how people's opinions differ about 'how to behave on the internet.' It seems to range from "it just doesn't matter because it's online and who's reading that anyway?" all the way up to "I don't think it's wise to post anything online past a star rating." Being an Amazon Vine Member, I've both heard and seen it all when it comes to reviews, authors behaving badly, internet bullying and anonymous profiles used to smear people who are not anonymous.

If Goodreads has seen fit to now have this red-box banner as a reminder for authors, obviously enough people were being abusive and reacting inappropriately.

You may bury my body ... down by the highway sign ...

2011-01-27T15:55:00.001-08:00

2010 ... We All Need The Clowns ... To Make Us Smile ...

2011-01-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

Several people emailed me ... yes, that's a Nagel.

For several years I've made some comments about the year previous, only because I realized that I had people actually reading this blog and checking it from time to time. That in itself has always been something that trips me out. I usually check the stats via the trackers and discover that hundreds of people read this -- and I'm not adding much in the way of updates, either. So, it's just something I needed to remark upon.

2010 was a pretty troubling year for me as some of you might know. Yeah, I had a book deal and Greyhound blasted out of the terminal and has been doing remarkably well and been doing consistent numbers, even eight months later. I'm thankful for all the support and the readership which has been a blessing. Sometime later this year, perhaps April or May, Greyhound should be going Worldwide and getting a much larger field of distribution. Also, sometime this summer, hoping that everything that is going on behind the curtain, goes according to plan, you should see my book hitting the shelves in Target. What more could you ask for other than a national award or a few interviews? I ain't complaining.

This year was a bit tough though, as I'm still in school trying to get all my prerequisites for Nursing School out of the way, and many of them are time consuming. The obvious question is: "Doesn't that cut into your writing time?" Well, the answer is 'yes', of course it does. But life is very long, I'm 39 and things need to be prioritized. I'm not making Stephen King coin, or anything close with my books so it's wise to have a day-to-day gig to keep me out of harms way. Some of the classes that I'm taking, are classes that I've already taken. I've gone all the way through Calculus before, but now I'm forced to retake all three sections of Algebra, and being honest here, as I've gotten older, the work has become much harder – even with ample amounts of coffee and a paid tutor. My heart also isn't as deep into it as I was ten years ago going to school. Not by a long shot. I just want to write, but I gotta provide.

Some of my Professors have been stumbling blocks, and probably have done so knowingly, while others have been incredibly inspiring. Getting through school is more about learning how to deal with a bureaucracy than it is about actual learning. That seems to be the repeating lesson these past three semesters. All teachers are not equal -- as it is in life -- and must be understood as such. Hopefully, I'll be done with all 60 units by summer and will submit my package for nursing School for next January. Yes, it requires that much time and planning --- just to get in.

2010 also began with me getting another serious bout of Pneumonia. I was told by my doctor at the time, as I've gotten Pneumonia almost every year since 2006, that one more serious bout with it, would likely be my last. Thus I spend a lot of time outside in the sun and exercising (which I loathe). I guess it's just one of those things you have to live with and it forces you to stay strong and be as healthy as possible. It does make me vigilant, but I'm only human and I'm often overwhelmed. I've been told by many that I try to do too much and I appreciate the remarks, but I gotta be me and I just believe I'll get through it. Chronic back pain and all – and yes, that's another ongoing story. Health wise, 2010 was the worst year for me, but I'm still here. This year, I'm determined to turn it around.

I also began this year by deleting both my Facebook and old Myspace accounts. Who uses Myspace anymore, anyway? For the record, I actually liked MySpace better, but too many people abused it with junking up their pages with flashing unicorns and having hundreds of friends who were all people like 'Edgar Allen Poe' or 'Steve Gutenberg', when in fact those people – weren't those people at all, but just someone else creating a profile in their likeness. Haha … anyway.

So far, nobody that I used to talk to on Facebook everyday has even sent me an email or likely noticed that I'm gone, and that's the real disturbing aspect of Facebook. It's a collosal waste of time and more centered on the self than it is the community, as it was supposedly intended. It's like crack with no high, or masturbation with no climax. Trust me, I know. We all got better things to do.

So, It's been four days and I haven't heard from anyone. I'm cool with it, but now I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to do with all the extra free hours I have. It's hard to imagine how unproductive things like that truly are. I'm very accessible if anyone needs to contact me on the internet as I have a website and this blog. Sometimes you just gotta pull the plug. Mindlessly staring at the screen for hours is a drag anyway, and most of the conversations are either forgettable or just plain silly. I won't miss it, and very likely, it won't miss me.

But on a better note, 2011 should be a good year for my writing as I'm coming to the final stages of writing with several of my new books. I've covered 1991-1993 in one book, 1983-1987 in another and 1993-1995 in a third. I've also fleshed out most of 1995-1997 and 2002-2004 and also have thorough notes about my “expedition” back in 2006. I know that sounds weird reading it, but if you know me and you know what I write about, and how I write, you'll get it and likely be interested. I've also got a few movie projects this year which should be cool as one should go into filming this year, as well as some overseas interest in my other book Yellow Fever which looks to be adapted into a foreign film. Go figure.

If I've learned anything this year, at all, … it's not to give advice. So I won't. It's taken a long time to learn that as well. Subtlety is the real key in all things and most relationships. So instead of wisdom, I'll just wish you all the best and say 'thank you' one more time for reading the books and reaching out.

All the best …

Steffan

My sister, Beanie, digs this song a lot. Interestingly enough, there's several shots of the bus driving up to Alaska in this video.

And it's you when I look in the mirror ...

2011-01-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

This could've been fantastic ...

2011-01-16T01:09:00.000-08:00

I had heard about this book about the time I heard that legendary screenwriter Brian Helgeland (look it up if the name is unknown to you) was writing the adaptation to it. I was intrigued, but I didn't rush right out and read it. I think I first heard about the adaptation back in 2004, so that tells you a lot.

Recently, I saw the movie and was impressed by the quality of the story and found it interesting, so I bought it on Kindle and finally read it.

I had prepared myself for this book because over the last 9 years since it was released, a lot of people have said much about the quality of the writing and how contrived and poor it was, almost disabling the ideas and the world created by Shan. In his defense, a lot has also been said to the positive about his writing ability in all the subsequent books that followed, even as the storyline seemed to wane.

Obviously, this is a very early work that probably would've been made into a masterpiece had it been reworked a few times and developed. The story is strong though and very lucid even if the writing drags it down.

To the point, there is an excessive use of exclamation marks for one. The characters, especially Darren, come across as shallow and underdeveloped, while the other characters around him are much better and fleshed out in greater detail. It's really hard getting a peg on Shan as he reads like a 'tabula rasa' -- don't worry, I hate when other reviewers use that word to describe a main character as well. The dialogue sounds the same regardless of who's speaking it, and some of the ideas are: "Oh, yeah ... and then ..." which is incredibly disconcerting.

I had no problem with Shan using his own name and I didn't translate it as something the author was doing to boost his ego or because of low-self-esteem. I think that notion is just beyond absurd. Why not write a nouveau-style Vampire memoir? In 2001, it seemed more plausible and was really ahead of the curve. I can't fault the guy for that at all.

The story is strong enough to hook me and I'll read the next three books with an open mind, because I'm willing to give the writer a pass "if" the writing develops. From what I've read, it has and so I have high hopes.

Here's to another film adaptation in the future.

...

The Original Gangster ... Being Ice aint Easy ...

2011-01-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

I'm probably one of the few people that have read and reviewed Ice's other book The Ice Opinion and this book was as equally informing and true as the previous. Being honest, after having read that book a few years back, the thought occurred to me to ask: "what more could this man say that he hasn't already spoke about?" Let me just clear the table and confirm that nothing in these two books is material that's been repeated or regurgitated. Without doubt, this is a solid and eye-opening read.

First, you might not know that Ice was an Army Ranger and an incredibly solid and dedicated soilder while he was doing his time in service. Yes, he did end up having to stand up in front of the C.O., but who hasn't? Legendary Marine, Chesty Puller once said that "the best soliders are often found in the brig." In Ice's case, he wasn't kidding. Ice never got involved in drugs or alcohol and never squealed on anyone either. In historical and mythical terms, he's a pretty honorable character, but the reality that you come away with from reading this book, is that Ice is anything but a character, he's a real person with his survival instincts ratcheted up on high. Ice, born Tracy Marrow, is probably the best example of social darwainism that I've ever heard about. Working your way up from the bottom, parentless, financially 'out', being bussed from one social tier to another for school, trapped in a warring culture on the brink of a social apocalypse -- you name it. "Just hold your ground and be true to yourself." That's his message and he has the life behind him to prove it. Hmm. Who also said that, about 400 years ago? I wonder. "To thine own self ..."

A few days ago, I was at Zales looking at something with my wife. At that time I was about half-way through this book, and while I was standing at the counter, all I could think about was Ice-T and his team of smash-and-grab jewelery thieves doing 'licks' all over Los Angeles and later nationwide. The story he tells isn't about ego, it's not romanticized and he's not telling you to score points with the reader or with the history books in general. This is just how it was. The funny thing is, is that there's probably a lot of us who grew up during this period of time, like myself who can absolutely relate. Even from the criminal tip. He never got caught, never went to jail, never carried a gun in those days and never had to hurt anyone innocent. I can't say the same for a lot of thugs on the street or even the white-collar criminals out there today. Ice talks a lot about his military training, how it made him disciplined and how the military mind in the civilian world is often implemented. You either become an Officer, or you become a criminal. Notice I didn't say Cop.

The amazing thing was that Ice was making a boatload more cash before he got into the rap game and was trying to manage both his criminal career and his ascendency into Rap all at the same time. Being surrounded by both Crips and Bloods on all sides, he emerged as the spokesman for both sets and was like the nuetral Switzerland. He had respect from all the big time guys and worked hard to maintain it. One of the more interesting tidbits is how he ended up over at Warner Brothers and being close with a lot of folks who had much respect for him there as well as a musician and as a person. Ice also had a lot fo respect for the law, even though some, who might remember this, might not think so. He tells it like this:

"There was a line and it was their job to enforce it and it was my job to cross over and back and not get caught."

When his musical career broke, I remember hearing him when I was living all the way up in Alaska and thinking how raw it was. It was incredibly clear to see that everything that came out after Ice, was inspired by Ice, because nobody had rapped about such a hard game before. When Ice Cube hit with his Amerikkkas Most Wanted album and NWA casettes were circulating, people everywhere couldn't get enough. By then though, we all knew where it started and Ice had already moved on to something else - Body Count.

The book is harrowing in places and deeply engrossing. Never for a moment does any of it come across as contrived, unrelatable or 'not real'. Ice's mantra always seems to seep from these pages to just be you and I'll be me. For that, you know this isn't going to read like a lot of the celebrity biographies do where there's just ego oozing out from the seem of the book. Forgive me if I don't care to name names, but too many of them are like that. Ice can easily tell you how when he bought a brand new Ferrari and Flava flav smashed into the back of it, you never think for a moment that he's bragging. He tells it like a young man, excited and jazzed about something cool that just landed in his lap -- and that's unflinchingly sincere in all aspects.

This isn't a white-washed version of his life, reading it you can tell. He's not holding anything back here either as he admits to many things that many people in position just wouldn't.

Regarding Law & Order, I'm one of those people that originially tuned into that show because of Ice-T and I've always felt that I'd always prefer to see more episodes centered around his character. But he has a different position on this. Like he says in the book: "I'm number five on the roster and that's a good place to be."

Through the years, I've come to appreciate Ice more and more for a number of reasons. Ice (obviously -- if you're paying attention) is a huge fan of Robert Beck, as am I, and the life that Robert Beck lived and wrote about is the story of a lot of us, myself included. When I read Mama Black Widow, I finally had found someone who was writing about the facets of my own life. Later I read Airtight Willie & Me and quickly read everything else.

For the record, this review is on the Advance Review version of the book and thus I was sadly without any of the cool pictures that will be in the final print edition or other things that are promised in the details. This book is going to get some good circulation and he deserves it.

As a side note: If you're one of those folks that like to read books like this in one sitting, which is typically fine, I would suggest not doing so with this. I would read this in stages and really spend some time thinking about what's here. I would read this book in 80 page increments so you don't just glass over the details. This is a very good book and deserves consideration.

"I've never read any Dickens." ... Really, Oprah? ...

2011-01-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

Last December I was a little shocked to discover that Oprah Winfrey had selected two Charles Dickens novels for her book club. She chose Great Expectations and A Tale of Two Cities as "great Christmas reading," or "hot cocoa reading," even though neither book has anything at all to do with Christmas or hot effing cocoa. Ever heard of A Christmas Carol or The Chimes? She also said in the same breath that she's never even read any Dickens. Wait a minute. What? I was immediately put off by this and spoke about it to several people, in real-time and online, and was semi-castigated in both instances. The response I got back from both parties was essentially this:

"Why are you upset that Oprah would promote Charles Dickens? All it does is bring new readers to great literature. Sounds like Sour grapes to me."

My response was this:

"No, it's not sour grapes as I do not ever expect Oprah Winfrey to ever utter my name. But instead of promoting a well-deserving unknown author and giving that person a shot, she selects a writer that most people either have little interest in or should be reading in school. And what does it say to people to promote something that you've admittedly never even read?"

Again, I don't have any mixed feelings about this because I have no expectation whatsoever about Oprah and anything I've written, and I didn't even bother to send her a copy of Greyhound either, because as is evinced by the news that SHE NEVER EVEN READ ANY DICKENS, I was suspecting this to be the case much of the time with the majority of her suggested reading. And let's be honest, after reading a handful of the titles, most of them are just insipid, lazy and forgettable -- and thus it becomes clear that she was just another marketing tool for the Big 6 publishing houses and I get the feeling that she only chose Great Expectations because she liked the movie version with Gwyenth Paltrow. Groan. As if we didn't already have enough outlets pushing the same 20 books all over the place. Please, people. You folks should be finding better scouts for your reading material. That much is abundantly clear.

But back to our man Dickens.

I've read Dickens. I've read almost everything the man every wrote and I love Dickens. And despite what you may have heard: "Oh, Charles Dickens is difficult reading!" That notion is about as far away from reality as is possible. Dickens is actually very easy reading because if you understand that he wrote most of his stories as segments in newspapers, then you can better get through them when reading it. Just about every chapter reads in a very compartmentalized fashion and the work of reading Dickens isn't work at all, it's just something that takes time because he wrote a lot and it's far from tedious. Most of what he wrote still resonates today too, especially Oliver Twist. Twist is a book I read every winter, without fail, and have done so for about the last fifteen of them. Any reader with any wherewithal can quickly grasp that Charles Dickens is:

1. social commentary above all else.
2. solid, enjoyable reading.
3. relevant and educational.
4. forces you to makes comparisons with his world and yours.
5. always leaves you with a desire to read more.

In 2010, I read a total of four Charles Dickens's books and I hope to read an equal or greater number this year, which is much more than I can say for whatever Oprah is reading. Unfortunately, I get the feeling the bulk of her reading will likely be consisting of material in her own magazine. She should have her reading suggested to her for awhile instead of the other way around.

And if you're still reading the paperback versions and not the eBook versions, I thoroughly recommend reading the Norton Anthology versions, or a version that has critical essays accompanying in the back of the book. Dickens wrote several different introductions to most of his books through the years and reading some of his essays and what others have had to say over the vasty milieu is equally fascinating.

...

I've heard the Chimes at Midnight, Master Harry ...

2011-01-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

There really isn't much more to say once you see this film. You should be mad and actually downright on the verge of taking up arms and forming community 'groups' for lack of a better term to do something about some of this, but ...

you won't.

And that's the saddest reality and the most painful message in all of this. Add in that the folks that Michael Moore is talking about have successfully turned his name into a symbol of the ultimate pariah making this very clear message even harder to be acknowledged, injested and acted upon.

The infrastructure that Moore is reporting upon used to run in fear that this kind of information would be privvy to the mainstream media, but these days they've already figured where everybody stands, how much stomach most people have to fight and by keeping everyone hard at work, it'll make it harder for them to seek out the barest amount of respect in the world for themselves and their families. They know that - for you - the viewer, it's just more consumable media that you'll entertain yourselves with so that you can sleep in a numb haze at night and forget that this place is really in for darker times in the near short term.

I read most of the negative reviews of this film and it really is hard to nay-say the information or try to GOP coat-tail and uphold the 'dead peasant' insurance policies, the massive lay-off's during economic booms and the out-right unethical looting that took place by Wall Street ... unless of course you're Tucker Carlson or some other emotionally detached human being with a huge trust-fund or just grossly uneducated in common sense or basic ecomonics.

The fact that this film has been out for some time and a lot of people have never even seen it, or wanted to see it, should be an indication as to what's really going on around us. Yes, I finally included myself in this.

There's a scene where a little dog is jumping up and down at the dinner table hoping for some food scraps from their owner to fall their way and Moore equates those folks struggling for their vision of the American Dream to be that dog, and the bankers and corporations are the people looking at the dog and doing everything they can to keep the dog in its place. Quite fitting and quite simple.

It doesn't matter how you feel about Michale Moore, because you should put that aside and watch this film. You'll learn that he, too, is an American and his father worked in an American factory his whole life giving Michael and his siblings the ideal American life. Michael started his life in film-making by trying to document what went on in the Automobile industry during the Reagan years and which now, has come full circle and fully played itself out - and in the worst possible scenario imaginable.

This is a really difficult film to watch because Ronald Reagan isn't the hero, Jimmy Carter becomes the voice of doom, the death of FDR becomes the turning point in American History for the worst, Bill Clinton sets up some of the pieces of the puzzle that makes the nightmare possible and George Bush just doubles down on all of it multiplying our troubles ad infinitum. This is not a happy film and you're left to just hate the situation and all those involved and there is no answer at the end. This whole thing goes down like Henry V, but with a horrible outcome where Scroop, Grey and Westmoreland actually succeed in selling out the country for loose coin.

The film is like the Chimes at Midnight. Some say "Well, then why watch it?" Because you must.

...

Greyhound Giveaway on Goodreads ...

2010-12-23T00:09:00.001-08:00

Goodreads Book Giveaway

   Greyhound

   by Steffan Piper

   Giveaway ends January 25, 2011.




   See the giveaway details
   at Goodreads.

   Enter to win

GalleyCat lists Greyhound as one of the best YA books of 2010 ...

2010-12-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

Galleycat listed Greyhound as one of the best YA books 2010. Caught me by surprise, but I'm thankful.

Be Advised ... I'm Mean, Nasty and Tired ...

2010-12-12T00:10:00.000-08:00

I'm a huge fan of this film as I remember seeing it in the theatres and also seeing it on VHS many, many times. This is a film that can either strike you as a 'made for TV movie' or a very serious piece of film about military life that hasn't been this accurate in a long time.

The main thing to know about this film is that:

1. It has some of the best and most incredibly imaginitive military dialouge ever put on screen.
2. There is a strange realism in this film about the true nature of being a human being while also being a soldier that is grossly absent in just about every other war film ever made.

I would love to quote some of the dialogue, but Amazon forbids a person from placing expletives in a review. However, maybe I can just bullet point some of the big scenes to watch out for, or listen to when you watch this. It starts:

1. Gunny Hiway (Eastwood) is in a jail cell story-telling, surrounded by other convicts, drunks and punk kids. An altercation ensues between Hiway and would-be Motorcycle gangster. Hiway hurts the guy pretty bad and probably hurts his ego more than the man's body.
2. After being released from jail by the judge, Gunny Hiway is accosted by the arresting Sherrif. Wow. Classic film dialogue.
3. While Sleeping on a Greyhound Bus, Gunny Hiway shares a beer with 'Stitch Jones' (Van Peebles)
4. Gunny Hiway meets, haranges and demoralizes his new Recon Platoon all in a fast moving three minutes which is powerful.
5. Going to meet his ex-wife at her new job as a waitress in a bar (owned by her new boyfriend), Gunny Hiway gets into a direct altercation with this guy who offers to wrap a wooden bat around his head and Hiway offers to 'bend him over and nail him in the keester' (good grief - it get's gripping right here for sure).
6. Meeting his men once more in th eearly morning before a run and demoralizing them by name.
7. The false deployment scene where Hiway utters the now famous word on film: Clusterf ...
8. Any scene where Gunny Hiway and Sgt. Major Choozoo laugh and growl about what they've done. Classic.

The strongest aspect of this film is the dialoge and it's no misunderstanding, when you read the script, which I have, why Eastwood not only chose to star in this film but also Produce and Direct it. What's interesting is that when you examine this film and Eastwood's career, one can easily surmise that it was this film that possibly made Eastwood direct more and have a tighter control over his projects ever after. Had he made that decision before hand, this probably would've had the culteral impact of a 'Shawshank Redemption'. A year later though, Kubrick's 'Full Metal Jacket' premiered, supposedly setting the standard. I think it lowered it actually, even though it's an epic and masterful piece of film. It's a subtle point, but an important one. Heartbreak Ridge doesn't romanticize Marine Corps life as badly as many other films out there.

While Heartbreak Ridge really is a good film, and not just a good movie (notice I said it's a film and not a movie, which is a big difference) some of the things that really lay waste to it, is obviously the third act, which sends them into action in the historical retelling of Grenada, rather than just honestly documenting military life, which is what the true story of this film is and should've stayed focused on.

Some of the characters come across thinly and pretty much the same as some of the others, failing to stand out. Some of Van Peebles scenes in this are honestly unwatchable and cringe-worthy, while some are very gripping. It's inconsistent, and one the first things the viewer notices. 'Stitch Jones' strikes this viewer as an attempt to be a vehicle for Van Peebles to do other movie work, and insincere. Historically, for a short period of time, it seemingly was, as he did a handful of movies directly after this, none of which really stood out. I'm sure he'd disagree though.

Marsha Mason's character 'Aggie' isn't really given her moment to shine in this, but you can almost feel that it's just about to explode across the screen. Unfortunately, we never seen this because either it was never written and shot (which I doubt) or it never made it past the editing because of run-time (which I can believe). The relationship between the hardened, aging Marine and the military wife is incredibly touching, very deep and without need of exposition. Eastwood probably never had a woman on screen with him with so much workable chemistry before or after. Just saying. It comes across as a missed opportunity.

You can tell that there are musically a few touches of Eastwood in this, but not many. One wonders why such a possibly monumental film just really fell apart, whether it was in the planning, the writing, production, or post-production, we'll never know. Honestly, though, I wish I did. The DVD offers no documentaries, commentary, extras, deleted scenes, nada. A lot of people loathe that stuff, but I eat it up.

I really adore this film for the realism that it conveys about military life. Nothing is romanticised, nothing is exaggerated, the uniforms are spec and mannerisms are accurate. I applaud the production people or the military liason to this film and woven into this wonderful film, that unfortunately - and ultimately fails - is an incredibly honest telling of military life. Failed relationships, failed deployments, failed expectations and aspirations, failed careers, failed engagements, all of it.

Military life, for a lot of people who go in and serve 2,4 or 8 years, experience this as an indelible transition in their lives that effects them ever after. Gunny Hiway serves as the Boatman through this for both the young men he's entrusted to train, and for us, the observer. You leave this film with much more than you go in with.

I actually find this film to be Eastwood's most memorable, as it seems as though his cold stare and gravelly voice were made specifically this film and this film alone.

Where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes.

2010-10-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

picture to change

Currently, all over the united States, simultaneously, people are engaged in their local elections. Signs are sprouting up everywhere trying to seat their name in your mind as deep as possible so that on election day, November 02nd, you'll remember it and then punch the box for their name. Even if they're the absolute worst person for the job or the last person who will protect your interests. In fact, many of the people who will be running for the most innocuous of these positions have the most to gain and equally cause you, the voter, the most harm.

I read earlier today a remark that said that the appearance of people like Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin was a deeper plot to overturn the 19^th Amendment. To be fair, I can also think of several Democrats that fit that description as well. While the remark was definitely tongue-in-cheek, the point was pretty clear. We really do elevate fools into rich heroes in this country as Charles Bukowski remarked many years ago. The real power of office is through voting, but as a collective body we seem to have zero skill in electing decent, or even passably safe politicians. All of them, lately, seem to be turning into some nuevo version of Scroop, Cambridge and Grey from Henry V who would've sold their country into ruin if they hadn't met with intervention. Gone are simpler times of politics. Good luck chasing these people down and 'pinning it on them', because direct culpability is unlikely.

Locally, we already have “regular people” running for political seats in the Coachella Valley whose first act is to defiantly break the law. The city code specified a date for the proliferation of Campaign signage across the Coachella Valley where I live, but these signs went up and started appearing all over three weeks before they were allowed. If you're running a campaign of honesty and integrity, I would say you just lost.

The weekend before the signs were allowed to be posted, I saw city workers from both Rancho Mirage and Cathedral City going around throwing these signs into the backs of their tracks to dispose of them. It's probably no big deal to some of these candidates blowing twenty thousand dollars on signs as the money that paid for those signs likely came from a business interest that runs opposite to the voter. Like someone who currently has the backing of the Farming Industry in the region, and who has already raised the rates on your water bill twice already. But hey, it's no big deal, you can all afford it. Right?

If there's one thing that's been made clear in this era, it's that we seem to be incapable of governing ourselves appropriately. Self government looks to be the biggest failure of Western civilization because there just is no incentive to bring prosperity to the those around us. People who run for office often say they're running for the good of the people, but statistically it just seems not to be true. Gordon Gecko and his 'Greed is Good' mantra has become the mainstream norm. If you're not in it for yourself, then you probably need to check yourself. While there is no substitute and total control is never good, it is the only system we have. As long as people chose to remain uninformed or find their direction through people and businesses that would rather drag you, and everyone you know, through the muck, rather than correctly inform, it's going to be longtime before most politicians can sleep easy at night.

But hey, I only got one vote, right? Hahaha ...

...

Look up ... what do you see? ...

2010-09-24T00:31:00.001-07:00

And the winner is ...

2010-09-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

Greyhound Station, Mesquite, Texas

Many thanks to Melanie T. Hope you enjoy the book.

Greyhound signed copy giveaway ...

2010-09-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'll be giving away three (3) signed copies of my book Greyhound as a thank you to the readers for having such strong sales numbers and for generating such an overwhelmingly positive response to the book in the last 90 days.

All you have to do is submit a photo (of your own -- not from the internet) of a Greyhound Bus, a Greyhound Bus Station or you in a Greyhound Bus Station, on a bus or next to a bus. Clear? That's it. Just a single photo.

WARNING:

Please be advised that I am aware of almost every Greyhound Bus photo that's been taken, posted and archived on the internet. I've diligently researched my book and everything available on the net, so I will be familiar with it if I see something that is not your own. Please send only original photos that are yours. It easier being honest. Trust me.

I will post your photo on my blog with your name attached for the world to see and be amazed by. It should be interesting to see something rare or from a era long gone.

Please do not email me questions about pics from your phone or the like. I will pick the three best photos and award the books to those people which may or may not include you. ;)

Rules:

1. Submit Photo (JPEG format) via email to my email address with your name and address where you want the book shipped to. I will obviously not post your address or make it public in anyway (example will be: Brodie from Altoona, PA)

2. Contest submission period runs from 09/01/10 to 09/11/10. No purchase necessary. Three winners will be announced 09/13/2010.

3. Contest open to readers in the United States, Canada, Mexico, UK and the EU.

4. You do not have to subscribe to my blog, facebook page, twitter account or anything else. If you want to -- cool. If not, no big deal.

...

Somedays we should just follow instructions ...

2010-09-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

So you never knew love...
until you crossed the line of grace

And you never felt wanted...
'til you'd someone slap your face
So you never felt alive...

until you'd almost wasted away

...

That same question ...

2010-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

I knew eventually, I would have to address this issue and it now seems like an appropriate time. With the release of my current novel ‘Greyhound’, I’ve been getting a lot of emails from people I don’t know writing and telling me how much they love the book, the story, the characters, how much it reminds them of their bus trip when they were younger and how much it takes them successfully back to the eighties and so on.

I didn’t mean to write a ‘period hegira’, but I guess I did, and a lot of folks are all about it. The sales have been in the high thousands, and while evidence shows that I’m not a consistent top 100 seller, I’ve well surpassed my debut author quota of 5,000 plus copies. So, for now, everything seems to be going fine. I’m not a household name, but don’t count me out. I have even better books unpublished sitting on my desk.

The question that I get asked the most, by just about everybody whether they’ve read the book or not, is whether or not ‘Greyhound Bus Lines’ is promoting the book, sells it in their gift stores, has made a comment, cut me a check, interviewed me, thanked me, got mad at me – and the most direct answer is ‘no’. I haven’t heard a peep from them.

But in truth, I never expected to and I still don’t. An unknown editor, whose name I honestly don’t know, once said in a video interview (which is both on youtube and on my site) that my book was ‘an elegy to Greyhound’. In translation it meant that I edified the company of which I wrote of, to the Nth degree. Apart from one character early on in the book, who I named ‘Frank Burns’ (after the MASH tv show), everyone else was a positive influence on me and a positive reflection on the company. But very tertiary searches on the internet of ‘angry Greyhound Bus driver’ yields plenty of video results – and while they do exist, they are definitely not the norm. How do I know this?

While I was writing the book, I had contacted a man named Gene Nicolelli. He ran the Greyhound museum in Hibbing, Minnesota for a very long time and knew more ins and outs of Greyhound than probably any one else alive. He was an invaluable reference for me and I am thankful to him, as I stated in the forward of the book. I tried to contact him just before launch but I couldn’t get through to him and never heard anything back either, so my fears were for the worst regarding that.

Other research I did, was in-the-field an on-the-ground. I went to several Greyhound bus stations around Southern California both in the day and at night and consistently I kept encountering the same exact thing. Some incredibly dedicated human beings giving everything they had for the company they worked for. Everyone – hands down – was incredibly polite, answered questions, chatted with me, sold me bus tickets, talked on the phone, drank coffee with me on the platform telling stories, you name it. I was impressed with the level of honest customer service that I received everytime I made my way into a station.

Recently, I was in Indio, California and I met a young African-American man who had been behind the counter the other two visits I made and was more professional than I had ever thought he would be. He was very kind to me, told me I couldn’t film in the depot without consent from Greyhound Lines corporate but happily made small talk, sold me a ticket and talked about getting into Palm Springs. The point is, and it may have already escaped a few readers – but I can’t say the same thing about a lot of other businesses in this regard. Greyhound doesn’t need me because they’re doing just fine without me. The people they have on their payrolls are not burned-out drones that hate the company or who only work for Greyhound because they have no other options. Far from it.

In fact, Greyhound’s overall ridership is up and continuing to climb. It seems as though the company is slowly over-hauling their bus fleet with new much needed modern buses, getting around to remodeling some of the terminals on the busiest lines and revitalizing the brand entirely. Greyhound, for probably the first time in thirty years is being wisely managed and grown as it should. Some people in the know may take issue with that last sentence, but I doubt I’ll be getting much email from them.

While, yes, it is true, there are problems plaguing the company on the West Coast, I think these are minor issues that will be worked out over time. For instance, Palm Springs ran Greyhound out of town during a ridiculous effort to revitalize and gentrify an area of Palm Springs that is already in heavy decay. Greyhound got pushed out, was left with little to no options, and now some of the residents and news outlets act concerned that Greyhound bus riders get dropped off literally in the middle of the desert ala nowhere. I was interviewed about this on local news, but my piece wasn’t shown because I was pro-Greyhound. Now the city wants Greyhound to either build a new terminal or rent an existing structure for an extremely high lease rate. Smell something bad in there? Yeah, me, too. A few others did as well.

I’ve done quite a bit of post-release media for the book and with very little press awareness, to be very frank about it, the book has been doing amazing. The sales are good, the majority of all the reviews are incredibly positive and I’ve written about something original and did so in a very sincere manner. I also think I’ve literally generated more media for my book than possibly any other author out there right now, mainstream or no. It would be interesting to see how well the book would be doing if it got just a few positive mentions in mainstream print and news media. That’s okay though, I’m used to working alone and will continue to flourish doing so as time passes.

...

Greyhound Video ... The Hall & Oates angle ...

2010-08-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Chris Sithi for putting this together and working some serious long hours for what looks to be a relatively simple video but was not. As I stated before about these videos, I had a strong intent to produce six or seven of them on specific topics and of varying length. We'll see how that goes as summer is waning, school is approaching and other writing obligations seek to tear me asunder from these artful motivations. This maybe the last video for this book, but it's not definite yet.

Yes, Hall & Oates dominate this, but I had to do something as they're such a heavy influence in the book. I haven't yet recieved any letters from Daryl or John, but I am going to see them play October 2nd at Agua Caliente in Rancho Mirage near mi casa. Hopefully I can get a photo. Can't wait.

...

Stephen King ... On Writing ...

2010-08-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

* for the record, I originally posted this on Amazon in 2007.

When I first read On Writing back in 2000, I was living in my truck on Venice Beach. Those were vastly different times as opposed to where I am now, thankfully. I read the book with a very different mindset as well. Even then, I always knew that I would spend my life writing one way or another. If I ever made money from it -- then all the better, but I didn't see that happening and most days it's just a mirage in the desert. More on this mirage later.

I picked the book up, not to ingest a sort of primer for my brain, which I probably should have, but because I was addicted to reading biographies during that period and I read this with the mindset of reading about the life and times of Stephen King. I honestly wasn't ready for some of the information in the book the first time around and thus missed the boat back in two thousand. Reading it again has given me a little more hope and possibly even triggered my default settings on a few things.

I once heard American Poet Gregory Corso speak about Jack Kerouac and his early days when they first met. He stated that before Kerouac had even written `On the Road' or anything that followed, Jack had already written over a million words. Now that's not just a direct quote from Corso, but it's pretty astonishing considering the fact that these days a standard novel could be around 100,000 words or less. That would mean that Kerouac wrote the equivalent of ten modern novels. In terms of King, it's most likely only three or four, but anyway you slice it, it's a lot of writing.

When I consider these words in context of some of the things stated by Stevie in his book, I wonder not only where Kerouac's missing novels are, I also wonder where his missing books are, as he says he writes close to 100,000 words a month. I know he's published a lot, but I'm sure he has a library of manuscripts that for whatever reason he'll never let see the light of day. Heck, I've got a few myself, but I'm not Stephen King. Not by a longshot.

A very wise friend of mine recently suggested that I needed to take a remedial writing class and read Stephen King's book On Writing after she read the first draft of my most recent novel Greyhound. I guess I broke King's 24th commandment about letting an unfriendly draft out of the office. While I'm glad that I got feedback on something that I puked out, I learned a lesson about patience and reading what you've written at least once before releasing it on the world.

For the record, I've successfully exorcised most of the grammatical demons from my book and I'm happy about how I spent this past summer*. Most of those demons found their way in the manuscript during the nightmare of transcribing them from the handwritten yellow pad to the eye-burning computer. A task I never look forward to. If I could have someone like Anton Schindler work as my secretary and transcribe my writing, I would be much happier and my migraines might be half of what they are on their worst days. But alas, I'm no Beethoven and thus must trudge.

Like King says, if you're going to let someone read it early in the game, make sure it's someone you trust and I would add - someone that knows you as a writer and what you've done. Too many times, new eyes get wrapped up in the grammatical, which is often inescapable. This is the type of experience a writer would also have with an agent and is probably bad for both parties. Don't expect any grand acceptance letters with material in that state.

After reading On Writing again, I found the information more meaningful and much more directed at someone like me. I was able to internalize and counsel myself with King's very direct advice. I would state that a struggling writer might get the best use of this book -- after they've written a book or two, or as in my case, a mere half million words. It's hard to be honest with yourself until you've been either beaten over the head with your own mistakes or you've beaten yourself over the head with endless editing.

As for the mirage of making money ... Stephen says that you should never write for money, but I think that's something someone with money would say. Whaddya think? The rest of us breathe for money let alone write for it. When Steve was locking himself in his laundry room in his rented trailer and stinking of rotten seafood from the night shift, I can assure you he was hoping, just like the rest of us that he would get paid and that he would also sell more than one book. Visualizing the end of the rainbow is just as important as chasing it. If you're dreaming of getting checks in the mail, it's not necessarily a bad thing. But if they have your own name and address in the top left corner, then you probably weren't specific enough when you sent your dream out into the Universe, haha.

I can understand why some people got so incensed with some of his statements. Especially numbers 33 and 34 regarding bad writers. (See below) Strangely, though ... I agree. As a rule, I don't read anything when I write. I know that might be unorthodox to some, especially Mr. King, but that's the way I roll, to use the parlance of our time. When I do read, I often come away with the feeling that most of what I've read is useless and badly conceived detritus. Some of it I adore, like Haruki Murakami. I wait impatiently for his next book every time. I'm now holding the opinion that he could very well be the greatest living writer of our time. But that's just me.

But most of the stuff I read I don't like. I think the publishing industry has a policy of attrition, regarding our wallets. They'll just print whatever they think will sell, which usually doesn't and reject the rest, which also probably would sell and is far more interesting. It's also no wonder that more and more the self-publishing market is breaking out some real gems and providing a more varied market for good novels.

I think it's also safe to say that a lot of people wonder how some books get published or how a bad film gets made, quite frequently. Publishers are working overtime right now trying to re-invent the industry and cull more readers. One thing I heard was that they want to publish fewer writers, thus narrowing the field of focus hoping to sell more of the books they do publish. Sound scary yet? It's in the works or something like it. Don't be surprised if we're one day surrounded by Harlequin Murder Mysteries and Young Adult Fantasy all by the same 10 to 15 authors. The publishing Industry believes that's the only formula worth looking at for some unknown reason.

I think I wanted to say more, or rather something in a different tone, but after finishing On Writing over two weeks ago, most of what I thought I wanted to say, I procrastinated on due to my other writing concerns. Obviously, I broke another writing commandment which wasn't in the book, but one that we all know ... strike while the iron is hot - or suffer the consequences.

... ...

The rules according to Mr. King:

1. If you want to be a writer you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There is no shortcut.

2. Reading is the creative center of a writer's life.

3. The TV is about the last thing an aspiring writer needs.

4. The sort of strenuous reading and writing program I advocate is four to six hours - every day.

5. Once I start on a project, I don't stop and I don't slow down unless I absolutely have to.

6. Strunk and White is to a Writer what the Bible is to a Preacher.

7. Life isn't a support system for art, it's the other way around.

8. The idea that the creative endeavor and mind altering substances are entwined is one of the great myths of our time.

9. You must not come lightly to the blank page.

10. The first draft of a book should take no more than three months, the length of a season.

11. The adverb is not your friend.

12. The combination of a healthy body and a stable relationship with a self-reliant woman who takes zero bull from me or anyone else has made the continuity of my working life possible.

13. I like to get ten pages a day, which amounts to 2,000 words. That's 180,000 words over a three month span, a goodish length for a book.

14. Only under dire circumstances do I allow myself to shut down before getting 2,000 words.

15. When you write, you want to get rid of the world. It's wise to eliminate every possible distraction.

16. Paragraphs are almost as important for how the look as for what they say; they are maps of intent.

17. The paragraph, not the sentence, is the basic unit of writing.

18. Grammar is not just a pain in the rump; it's the pole you grab to get your thoughts up on their feet and walking.

19. Write about anything you want as long as you tell the truth.

20. You need a room, you need the door, and you need the determination to shut the door. You'll also need a concrete goal as well.

21. You should anything that improves the quality of your writing and doesn't get in the way of your story.

22. Writing fiction is a lonely job

23. The first draft should be written with no help from anyone.

24. Never let an unfriendly draft cross the threshold of your office or out of your desk drawer.

25. The most common tool of any writer is vocabulary.

26. Put your vocabulary on the top shelf of your toolbox and don't make any conscious effort to improve it.

27. Do not dress up vocabulary, looking for long words because you're a little ashamed of your short ones.

28. Invest in a copy of Warriner's English Grammar and composition.

29. Don't be a Muggle. Avoid the passive tense!

30. I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs

31. Good writing is often about letting go of fear and affectation.

32. The object of writing isn't grammatical correctness but to make the reader welcome and then tell a story.

33. I can't lie and say that there are no bad writers. Sorry, but there are lots of bad writers.

34. While it is possible to make a competent writer out of a bad writer, it is equally impossible to make a great writer out of a good one.

35. The secret of my success is that I stayed physically healthy (well, almost) and I stayed married.

36. You're job is to make sure the muse knows where you're going to be everyday from Nine `til Noon.

37. Novels consist of three parts: narration, description and dialogue.

38. Plot is a good writer's last resort and the dullard's first choice.

39. The situation comes first. The characters come next. Once I have these things fixed in my mind I begin to narrate.

40. Description is what makes the reader a sensory participant in the story.

41. With characters, it boils down to two things: paying attention to how real the people around you behave and then telling the truth about what you see.

42. Symbolism exists to adorn and enrich, not to create a sense of artificial profundity.

43. Symbolism is a focusing device for both you and your reader, helping to create a more unified and pleasing work.

44. Revising is three drafts, or two drafts and a polish.

45. Good fiction always begins with story and progresses to theme; it almost never begins with theme and progresses to story.

46. You should put your first draft away for six weeks before starting the second draft, because it's always easier to kill someone else's darlings than your own.

47. When you give out six or eight copies of a book, you'll get back six or eight highly subjective opinions about what's good and what's bad in it.

48. Pace is the speed at which your narrative unfolds.

49. Your early readers will also gauge whether or not your story is paced correctly and if you've handled the back story correctly.

50. The most important things to remember about back story are that (a) every one has back story and (b) most of it isn't very interesting.

51. Routine interruption and distraction don't much hurt a work in progress and may actually help it some ways. It is the dab of grit that seeps into an oyster's shell that makes the pearl.

52. You don't need writing classes and seminars any more than you need this or any other book on writing.

53. You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the most valuable lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself. These lessons almost always occur with the door closed.

54. You should have an agent. If your work is salable then you will have only a moderate amount of trouble finding one. You'll probably be able to find one even if you work isn't salable, as long as it shows promise.

55. The scariest moment is always just before you start.

56. Writing is magic.

U2 -- Rose Bowl ... I hope this isn't the end ...

2010-08-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

... but with everything that's plagued these guys in the last year, it just might be. That would be sad, if so.

The problems with this release:

I've been a U2 fan for a very long time. Bono already thanked me directly during the Slane tour for giving them $500 during the span of their career. I've probably given more, and I hate to have to qualify myself before I write this review, as I hope people read it with a clear mind, but it's true.

I think the more time passes, the more people expect from U2 and very likely the more U2 expect from themselves as well as a band. Most people when they tune into watching or listening to U2 want them to remain timeless, not age, play the same stuff perfectly and sound magnificent.

Unfortunately, this just isn't reality. Part of the problem is that U2 hasn't figured this out yet, either. Maybe it's the competitiveness of hearing the huge sums that the Rolling Stones pull in from their touring that keeps them coming back. I don't know. Honestly. But these last two DVD concerts, while they do look and sound better on some levels have really shown the truth about U2. I can't really knock U2 either because these guys have been on tour for the bulk of the last thirty years and that's no lie.

But sadly, Bono is really aging badly and very quickly. I hate to say it, but it must be said. Sure everyone ages, but it doesn't look like the guy is in a great shape anymore. He's heavily winded during most of the concert, out of breath many times, doesn't have the vocal range of even 2001-2004 and the 'gimmicks' he used to employ to get him going during concerts like doing laps around the huge circle just don't get it. The long political dialogues front-ending songs, which must be brutal for the Edge and the boys, which also used to give Bono a short rest from singing during the concert, also don't really have the same heart in them. These monologues now lack sincerity and just come across as real over-rehearsed bloviation. I wish it was different, but from where I'm sitting, it isn't.

1. This DVD is 1080i not 1080p. Packaging it as Blu-Ray is badly misleading and shameful. I've been hoping for a Blu-Ray release for sometime, but not like this.

2. The editing of this is pretty uninspired and the shots they used as transitions were just awful.

3. I watched this live on Youtube, for those that might remember that it was also streamed live that night, and this just doesn't feel or sound like the same concert.

4. Bono's 'soapboxing' is probably at its worst here. I almost feel like someone is purposefully trying to repackage all this music to fit in as the soundtrack of the day and not the soundtrack of our lives as it has been. I almost feel like I'm being robbed. Placing this music into new contexts with speeches about current Government misdoings just makes a listener sad. The whole An San Suu Kyi piece should've been moving, but it wasn't. Even at home, alone, it was just uncomfortable.

5. On the DVD, I really couldn't pin down any really inspirational performances here. Larry, Adam and the Edge were all on the money, but I think the front man really let them down. There was no 'All I want is you/Where the Streets' moment like on Slane.

6. Making Breathe a bonus track instead of the opening is just plain wrong.

7. The opening menu wasn't as seamless and intuitive as previous versions and several times while bouncing around from song to song the thing reset itself and started over. The opening menu was so convoluted that it's more of a hindrance than anything artful or cool.

I was really looking forward to this DVD for quite some time but it just didn't win me over. I usually play along with these U2 concert DVD's the best I can, but I couldn't find the heart in this show. If you catch the facial expressions of Larry and The Edge, several times they seem not just frustrated but a bit mad. I might be too.

I think the real lesson here is basic. My suggestions for U2 and what they should do regarding concerts in the future or at least for awhile, is only opinion. Take all of this as you may. I'm only a fan and a consumer and not an authority. It seems wrong to suggest anything.

1. U2 should tone down these huge spectacles and preform smaller venues or do a smaller circuit. David Bowie did this and was incredibly successful at it. During his Heathen Tour he strictly played the 5 Burroughs in NY and played the clubs. People talked about seeing Bowie like this as his finest hour. U2 should to do this for awhile as all of their performances in smaller settings are typically phenomenal and very moving. Even their SNL, David Letterman, Jules Holland, et al, shows on Youtube are mind blowing. It's difficult to deny this.

2. They should focus on releasing more intimate and personal DVD's that really capture the essence of the band. The Documentary on "The Unforgettable Fire' that's on Slane is incredible. Sting, yes, Sting ... has released several DVD's where he filmed a few concerts at his house and they're very good. Even if you don't like Sting, The Police or that kind of music, it's hard to knock it and his level of honesty during filming is quite shocking. Sting's last DVD at Durham Cathedral was remarkable. The second disk was a camera following him around in his home town and was very moving. U2 should put something like that together. I don't know who wouldn't be enthralled.

3. An acoustic package like the second disc from the HTDAAB release is long overdue. Hearing these songs in their most raw and broken down form greatly eclipse these uninspired performances from this show or the last one from Chicago.

Look, I've posted a lot of U2 reviews through the years, some critical, some praising. I don't mean to say anything negative about Bono either. If you read this, Bono, please don't think I'm an ungrateful upstart. Not many people can do what you do or what you've done, so I won't pretend to think it's easy for a moment. We are all going to get older and begin to crumble. Some of us work at keeping it together harder than others. I don't know how hard you have to work or what more you have to do and I know you probably work a lot harder than I do. Whatever road you guys are going down, I hope it's the right one and not a direction that keeps putting out stuff like this. Some of us will probably turn away.

In truth, I'm not going to say I'm not going to buy anymore U2 DVD's, because I will. I buy guitar equipment because of you guys and microphones, too. I buy books about U2 (and Bono) and I read them. I've seen you in concert and probably will again if I get the chance and can afford the tickets. I still buy U2 T-shirts and other stuff and probably always will. U2 has some of the most dedicated fans out there and I'm one of them. People love you for the music and the inspiration. I'd say play to that.

...

Product review on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/review/R2MFJTIQW1S63S/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm

...

On AmazonEncore ...

2010-07-23T05:38:00.000-07:00

>

Author Steffan Piper handles the question he gets asked the most: "Who do you know at Amazon?" and "Can you get my manuscript to them?" -- as well as discussing other facets of Amazon, writing, publishing and editing.

Greyhound is now available for sale.

During a nap ...

2010-07-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

... I heard this song play from beginning to end. I woke up startled because I realized I was dreaming and not actually listening to music. Needless to say the radio wasn't on and only the birdies outside were penetrating the day. Felt worthy of an update.

Try a bloody bullet catch, mate ...

2010-06-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

Imperial Bedrooms review …

Bret must’ve been sitting around his apartment one night watching ‘Batman Begins’ eating PinkBerry with his collar popped and focusing on Christian Bale’s line about ‘sycophantic suck-ups’ and thinking … hey … he’s using my Patrick Bateman character in a completely different way … maybe I should do something similar. Thus we have Imperial Bedrooms. This 168 pages feels like a forced half-measure for somebody’s contractual obligation more than a novel, or rather a novella. Maybe Bret will come out and say differently, he is on tour after all and will probably relish some level of buffoonery about the unwritten back-story or the several ‘much longer versions’ that he thought inappropriate. Please, Ellis, spare us.

Everybody has already delved deep about these subcutaneous references and what they mean from the title to the last page in the multitudinous reviews across both print and on-line mediums, but I’ll spare us all any of that tomfoolery. We get it. We’re over it. Get to the meat or art of the matter, and don’t play cheap and nice either. Worn-out, direct referencing without subtlety is ‘sooo yesterday’, as one of his characters might assert.

First, I really wanted to puke every time I stumbled over ‘another’ pop-culture reference that Ellis had dropped in, which not just felt random and out-of-place, but highly contrived. Someone got ‘out-of-control’ with the Global Find & Replace feature in Word, methinks. He does these things on purpose and that’s his style – yes, I get it. The real problem is that it just doesn’t work anymore and trying to emulate yourself for a struggle of a sequel that reads like something he wrote over a long weekend on meth comes across as wankery, for a use of a better term and one that won’t get picked up by the censors.

Ellis tells you close to the end that the whole thing will not tie up in the third act and boy is that an understatement. A lot of the devices employed come across like Chinese mix-mix left-over soup; ideas hobbled together from other books that he’s done, which to no surprise are the real masterpieces. This thing just feels like an injustice to the whole collection, like he’s micturating on his entire body of work out of apathy, languid curiosity or jaded depravity.

I would be surprised to see this become a movie, in fact I highly doubt that it would. There’s just not enough here to warrant an engaging story. However, films are sometimes more visual and Ellis draws heavily upon some stereotypes that most people are overdosing on to move his tale along and make you wonder how much of this is social commentary. Unfortunately, it lacks a message so whatever commentary there is, comes across hollow.

Tom Waits once said in a lyric, that ‘all the girls had names like jelly donuts’, here all of Ellis’s characters, who are supposed to evoke some sense of nouveau-riche, detached upper-elite or people above ‘our station’ (like something regurgitated from a Whit Stillman scenario) but they all read like nothing more than soft-core Swedish Tennis players gone wrong.

I’m reminded of another Christian Bale performance from ‘The Prestige’ where he speaks about an ageing magician he works under:

“He's complacent, he's predictable, he's boring. I mean, he's got success, whatever that means, and now he's scared -- he won't take any risks at all. I mean, he's squandering the goodwill of the audience with these tired, second-rate tricks …”

If this was a book written by anyone else but Ellis, this would have never have made it into print and thus it adds to the detritus and argument about the state of modern publishing. Honestly, this should’ve never left his laptop. Publishing material on your name alone for a cheap money grab is bad business. Maybe he needs to keep his pool-heated? Maybe he’s in heavy debt? Maybe Bernie Madoff -- made off with his fortune? I don’t know. I don’t care in all honestly. This book is a cheap imitation of what it’s fronting to be and it does nothing for the vast amount of readers that will be turned away and wondering why they wasted both their time and money on this. Is this the new thing, Alienating your audience for less than zero reason? We live in a very competitive time right now for the reader’s attention. Either bring you’re ‘A game’, or stay home.

Note to Bret Easton Ellis: Try a bloody bullet catch, mate.

You may one day need an education ...

2010-06-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

This is about public education and I promise you, however concise, it will be dark and full of thunderclouds. Stop reading now if you have a weak stomach.

In the last ten years, I’ve seen people become hyper obsessed with celebrities to the point where it becomes all consuming and these people no longer resemble your friends -- and if you’ve ever lived in Los Angeles or Hollywood proper – then you probably know exactly what I mean. The sad truth is that it’s this way all over the place. I see pictures of people from all corners of the globe and all walks of life and can’t help but notice how much celebrity emulation and name-brand frontery goes on. It’s so pervasive it’s actually lame for me to even mention it. But I will, because my point is to the main, as my favourite man in black once stated.

I’ve spent a lot of mental time recently crunching information regarding student loans, tuition, the cost of education, the quality of education … and all that it entails. A few years back when I was in school, all one had to do is sign your name and it was done. The devil would silently take his piece from you, smile and let you mortgage yourself and your education to the hilt. I make no bones about my financial state. I’m about 60K under water with my student loans. I took classes for two years at the University of Alaska, Anchorage and racked up about 15K. I took classes at DeVry and racked up about 30K in debt. At $470 a unit it wasn’t hard. Looking back, I should’ve known better – but again with this recurring lack of a director theme in my life – nobody advised me, nobody told me, no one had my damn back, mistakes like these are all too easy to fall into.

Later, I racked up another $20K at ITT and all of it remains unpaid. I’m incredibly adept at computer languages, programming and electronics but I do not work in those fields and it was difficult securing work in that field at the time. I did do some work for the City of Los Angeles in the previous life, but nothing to brag about. I now work in an entirely different field producing a translatable export that makes more money over time, but little up front. I have years of working before I can even begin to think about breathing again. Did my education I financed work out for me? The jury is still out, but financially – no. I was always an ‘A’ student, whatever that means, but I couldn’t land work in those fields if I tried, lied or pried with a tire-iron.

No, it’s just not the same anymore. Good luck on even securing a minor loan for school – regardless of credit history. Most of the banks have silently pulled out of the student loan business unless you have collateral. The last time I checked most teenagers heading off to college do so for the express reason that they have no collateral to begin with. Schools are becoming much more competitive than ever before and ‘woe to you’ who doesn’t maintain a grade point average in the mid to high threes. Every one else will be ‘stomped out’ as the saying goes, and if you don’t get stomped out, good luck come registration time. Schools will soon only retain the students that are valued and performers. Think it’s not that bad? Think what I’m saying is not a reality? Think again and just do a minor amount of reading on the state of The Department of Education, The State of California or the availability of student loans. It’s quite tragic.

How does this connect to celebs? Well, I’ll get right to it. In the past, student loans, grants and scholarships were things that came to exist because of the good will of people that were extremely wealthy and had the money to invest in public education. The Rockefeller’s made an enormous amount of money available to graduates back in the sixties, seventies and eighties and thus we now have entire generations that have benefitted from a solid public, non-private education. Can anybody tell me how many U2, Green Day, Jay-Z, Madonna, Tom Cruise scholarships or financial awards there are for the average person to apply for and obtain to help them through college? I would wager zero to slim -- and slim split during the last crisis for the Mediterranean coast. Most of these celebs make billions, have a ‘revenue stream’, make endless appearances and even talk big regarding political action but most probably have done little to nothing for today’s emerging youth trying to find and finance an education. Yeah, just don’t even think about a grant. That would be a luxury.

I came to this feeling recently when I was digesting a little more information about the planet’s so-called biggest rock band shifting monies to evade taxes owed to their island nation that they had once said they were loyal to so many times. It speaks volumes when everyone is just in it for themselves and those that have the power to help those around them do not, will not, or only pay cheap lip service.

It’s not a popular cause to support education or help people become more productive on the whole. No. We must travel to some far away corner of the globe and point the finger and say: “Look! People are going without! We must send these people millions of dollars to save them!” Most of this money is donated in good faith by honest taxpayers, which is then squandered and the intended recipients never receive due to corrupt governments, barter systems in place that take a ‘fair share’ or unstable populations infected by endless war.

Making a business and exploiting the middle and lower classes will always be the norm it seems, and here we go -- one more time -- into another decade of making it difficult, to damn near impossible, for the youth to emerge and get ahead. Add in a few ‘pay-day loans’ at 400% and you might as well call it a day.

Dark enough for you? Sorry. I warned you at the beginning and told you so. These are bloody dangerous times we live in now and without money changing hands for the right reasons, it’s only going to get worse. With the failing state of education and the lack of choices for students in school, it doesn’t look good. In fact, it looks downright bleak.

People should stop throwing their hard earned cash at celebrities and do what ever they can to hold on to it and not support these fools. I once got in a spot of trouble for being one of those people Metallica were incensed at for distributing mp3’s of their work over the internet; I should’ve doubled my efforts back then instead of shutting down my servers. I framed my cease-and-desist letter back then, but it now sits in a box in my garage, because it’s about as tired as Metallica is. People should also stop trying to visually imitate celebrities, too, because they just don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves and are not role models, especially the ones who sell themselves as such.

When these people who make millions off the under-classes, start giving back and investing in the people that support them instead of some intangible and unworkable scheme, maybe then and only then, should we give them a moment of our time; something that we do have in abundance. As it stands now, the educational system in the United States is not just broken but a forgotten pile of ashes. If nobody steps up to fix it, more will be lost than just arbitrary celeb du jour role models.

See you at the library ... good luck with accreditation though ...

One of my favourites ...

2010-06-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

I've always loved this song and I recently heard this played while I was stuck butlering / buttling around mi casa the other day. The Television was on Channel 800 something, those channels that only play music, and it came on. It occurred to me that I hadn't heard this in over a decade or more. I used to hear this song often when I was sleeping -- yes, in the depths of rest -- when I was but a lad in britches (along with a lot of Frankie Valley for some reason, too).

A short note to Garrison Keillor ...

2010-05-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

First of all, I have a love-hate relationship with Garrison Keillor.

Sometimes when I find myself in the car on Sundays listening to him on NPR and his Pappy O’Dan’el’s Flour Hour Sermon on the mount, I just want to shake my head and pray that his cult-laden neuvo-amish hordes don’t take over modern American sentiment and set sail with tea-party types into the new revolution. It’s just too niche for me. But then … some nights, after coming home from class on Thursday nights, I flip NPR back on and I hear his warm, slow voice talking to the world and everyone around me about poetry, or a book or something else equally interesting. Much in the way that Paul Harvey kept us intrigued, Garrison has picked up the mantle in the same way – with some of the stuff he does, but not all.

With this op-ed piece though, Garrison is laboring under the false premise that just because he’s now surrounded on all-sides by writers verging and edging to be authors because of population growth and he’s in the waning years like a verse from a too-cool David Bowie song, that all the material that will spring forth will be ashy detritus from a bitter and tainted well. What a complete fool he makes of himself in these final moments – of publishing.

I’m an author in the new age, I’m one of the names that some anonymous Agent in Publisher's Weekly said earlier this week (in an article bashing authors and describing the same thing Garrison is covering), would be forgotten or never known. He said people like me self-publish books to flip off the publishers in an act of defiance. I self published a book that was received with high praise and it sold relatively well. I also kept the book away from everyone in my family and forbid them to review it. The world loved my book and said it was one the great modern classics reminiscent of Nathaniel Hawthorne, Mark Twain and an endless list of other dead people who we all grew up with. I don’t regret a moment of it. I’m not rich. I don’t travel between countries. Matter of fact, my passport is soon to expire and has nary a stamp in it at all. That’s life. I also never received any advance from a publisher and don’t get checks in the mail from royalties that pay my bills, or even half of them. I write poetry and novels on my own time in an effort to maintain my sanity and make sense of the world around me. If I never get rich with my writing, cool -- I just don't care. And yes, I have a new book out. But guess what, next year I'll hopefully be saying the same thing.

Garrison describes an evening of his life like a disembodied Whit Stillman or a more thoughtful Bret Easton Ellis but instead of just telling like it is, he assumes way too much and filters everything through his life of satire and indifference. I guess he puts more stock in the crowd he’s observing riding the titantic than the crowd knocking at the door, piloting the Coast Guard cutter. This reader can only feel that he’s disappointed by the world that grew up around him and the children that are soon to take the reins. We’re all hummingbirds sucking on sickly-sweet, blood-colored nectar with attention deficit in his world-view. None of us seemingly have the goods, none of us could dare craft anything meaningful for the world based upon his analysis. We failed him. The world has failed him and now the publishing machine is in its death throes and the knell is sounding.

I, too sent manuscripts into New York publishers in manila envelopes and knocked out my first book on a manual typewriter, but unlike Garrison, I’m 39 not 67. I also received an endless barrage of rejection letters through the years, but I also kept writing and kept at it. Now, because of my fortitude, and your fortitude and everyone else’s – we’re all upstarts or non-starters. Take your pick, because if you don’t, someone with a banjo next Sunday will – all while smiling and dressed neatly in an ironed pair of store-bought bibjeans who will mock you openly with a soundtrack and several faux commercial breaks.

And for the record, everything I ever wrote took a great deal of effort and it would be selfish to think that it wasn’t the same for everyone else. They used to say that a hundred years ago, 98% of the world used to farm and only 2% engaged in writing but now the data has flipped and 98% of folks are writers and only a small 2% of people farm. That’s life. Note to Garrison … stop selling us short and believing that Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’ is the only way it’s going to go when you’re done.

Garrison Keillor's remarks here.

Brentwood / Jackie Robinson Stadium / Hitting homeruns in the dark ...

2010-05-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

There was a distant chapter in my own past not too long ago, but long enough that I rarely think on it where I once lived in Brentwood, California; a small inner-city suburb of Los Angeles. The reality of Brentwood is that it’s home to mostly multi-million dollar estates that belong to film and television people of all stripes and in the mid-nineties, when I lived there, it was a place that everybody regularly saw on their television set, regardless where they were living. The place also has a plethora of apartment buildings scattered around to house the people that wait the tables, operate the checkstands, sweep the streets and so on. So, I would say that it was somewhat diverse. At least it was in my time.

On February 22^nd, 1995, I moved to Los Angeles and took up residence for several years. During this time, everyone was being mystified with the court proceedings regarding O.J. Simpson. The events were so fresh that on a few occasions, walking down South Bundy drive, you could still see the blood stain on the sidewalk which was a gruesome reminder that maybe Anne Sexton was making a valid point about the dangerous but attractive landscaping of the place. And obviously a few other things, but you don’t need me to spell things out for you.

When I was much younger, I played on a little league baseball league and our team was sponsored by ‘George’s Furniture’, which in Altoona, Pennsylvania was a large light blue location on East Pleasant Valley Boulevard and Kettle Street. I imagine the place is gone now, but the point of this recollection is to tell you that I was one of the worst athletes growing up and I hated playing baseball, as I sucked at it and it never brought me any joy. My grandma always gave me the extra push to stay involved ensuring that I would have some semblance of a normal childhood and few positive memories to draw from when I was older.

The important thing to know was that I struck out at bat every single time. I swung wildly for the fences with my eyes closed every time and nary made contact with the object. Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar even today. Anyway, I struggled every game and no one wanted me on the team and everyone always knew I was a strike out before I ever got to the plate. I had also struggled painfully with a persistent ankle injury that, at the time, I didn’t know was due to a bone that had not been set correctly in my foot. So poorly in fact, that it’s noticeable to the naked eye of almost every adult that sees me limping around on it. The root of the broken bone was my own fault however, and I take full responsibility for it, just for the record.

But back to living in Brentwood.

I had a close friend once that I won’t name for reasons that will be clear in about a year to many people. In the early evenings, shortly after dinner, we’d mosey on over to the Jackie Robinson Stadium a few short blocks away from where we lived. I believe the place was/is also called Steele Field. In the mid to late nineties, the area was accessible through a variety of short-cuts. For the general public, getting onto the field was no big whoop. Late spring and summer evenings in California are exquisite and anyone who has ever lived there will testify to that as the truth. The evenings are magnificent.

My friend and I used to hit balls from the mound to the plate several nights a week and even run the bases. I don’t ever remember there being another soul around ever, either. It was always just the two of us and if you’ve been there, you’d probably understand. It can be a desolate and forgotten place quite quickly.

My friend had played baseball most of his life and was quite good, but like all atheletes, he drank too much. He was also the type of person who would be quite content to pitch a hundred balls to you and keep giving you several small critiques and tips on what you were doing, as you were doing it. It was his nature and the bulk of what he said I understood and followed. So, to my surprise and in short order, I began hitting balls and hitting with increasing frequency, too. After a few months … and here it comes …

… I was hitting balls over the back fence.

At first I thought maybe it was a fluke or just me getting lucky, but my frequency increased and after awhile it became commonplace. I will note that it had a lot to do with a few things at the time. My frame of mind, my place in the world, my day to day business that I was involved in and few other things that I will leave vague at this exact time. I will expound via 300 pages at a later date for you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait too long either.

But yes, in the evenings and well into the 20^th and 21^st hour of the day, I was knocking homeruns out of Jackie Robinson Stadium in the waning light of night.

Me. Steffan Piper. Homeruns. Those were some very good memories back then, as well, but one of the darker periods of my life without doubt. That’s the yin and yang of living, trust me.

This long story is all about my current state of mind with what’s going on with my books and my writing. Someone had pointed out to me last year, as if I didn’t know, that getting published was a big deal and I should feel proud and yadda yadda yadda – I already blogged about it, but the last few days my mind began to settle on these memories regarding Brentwood, my friend, and Jackie Robinson Stadium.

And before you ask, the answer is -- yes. If you have a conversation with me, prepare yourself for the reality that I will think about that conversation many times in the future and go over the data with a fine tooth comb. That’s how I am. I can remember almost everything a person tells me in conversation, and trust me when I say that it’s more of a curse than a gift.

My point is that when it comes to these books, I feel like I’ve been doing the heavy work for so long, hitting homeruns over the back field in the dark, mostly alone and off-record that when folks like AmazonEncore, or Penguin or Houghton Mifflin or 20^th Century Fox come in and start trying to pull strings, offer deals and push things forward, I’m very insouciant about it and it takes quite a bit to impress me. I’m not moved by gracious behaviour and lively talk or even legally binding contracts. I am however, very moved by results. I was in tears a few times after hitting the ball over the back fence as it was incredibly cathartic and life-altering experience for me. Let’s just say that most of the breakthroughs that I should’ve experienced as a child, came about 10 to 15 years later. A few even in the last few years and I just had my 39^th birthday a few days ago. Go figure.

So, I’m not a sports fan, I’m not an athlete, but I do appreciate results and when it comes to achieving things, I know that I’ve been doing greater things in my mind for far longer than the small and mediocre results that I see before me. In my mind, life is about knocking it out of the park, not once – but many times.

For the record, the last time I hit a ball out of Jackie Robinson Stadium It came down onto the windshield of a police car. What do you think happened after that? You’d be correct in that assumption. I know.

Like Biggie Smalls once said: ‘Things done changed.’

edit: for the record, this field isn't as big as it looks in the photo. It's pretty standard size and less intimidating with no one in the seats and in natural light.

Readers spotted ...

2010-05-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

Riding public transit while reading is a good habit. This is the most productive time for some people. Leaving out of the SF Greyhound Station and crossing town. Gotta wonder what he's listening to ...

Chapter 9 ...

2010-04-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Winslow Homer in the Background ...

2010-04-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

In the giant scheme of things, the pathway of my life is right where it should be and if I had to look backwards at myself planning it all in the past, I’d probably say this is what I wanted all along.

Someone asked me some time ago why I wasn’t happy about my current situation regarding the book deal. I tried to come up with an answer, but the real answer was complicated and not one that I’m comfortable billboarding during dinner. Nobody wants to hear the woes and harrowed times of Steffan Piper … well, strike that. That’s not exactly true, is it?

Let me start again.

I tried to come up with a comfortable answer, but couldn’t. Personal sensitivities always trump. My answer, now that I’ve thought about it for a few days, is thus:

I don’t feel very accomplished selling a book, and definitely not the same kind of feeling I had when I finished writing it. Talk about a time of mental clarity. I wish I could finish writing a book every week. I’d be untouchable. While getting a publishing deal is a harder goal to accomplish now more than it’s ever been, it doesn’t change it. But don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful. You don’t know how grateful I am and I have no desire to squander this either.

No, my feelings have to do with one thing. The readers. Maybe I’ll feel different about selling my book when I start getting letters from people telling me that Greyhound made a difference in their lives. That something I wrote touched them and maybe made their life a little easier for awhile. That’s the reason I write. I want to share the things I’ve gone through with others and try to comfort people. Why? Because it’s what I seek for myself. Why? Because I hate myself and my life all in one neat little package. If you know me, really know me – this is no surprise. My wife just rolls her eyes at me these days, and that's okay. It's not easy putting up with me.

It’s hard to tell people around me that the story really deals with child abuse, mental and physical disabilities and abandonment. Physical disabilities that ruin people’s lives forever. It’s hard to tell folks that you wrote something for a larger group of people so that they wouldn’t feel so damned isolated, because the author sure as hell does, even after almost forty years. It’s hard to tell people around you that it’s not about the money, not about me and not about the way I’m feeling lately – which is like shit. I think the way I feel though is obvious to everyone lately. I try to keep faking it, but I’m failing. Both trying and faking it -- just comes across as ‘weird’. But that’s okay, I’ve got that one down pat anyways.

That’s really the element that’s been missing in my life; the human element of giving people something meaningful for their lives and themselves. I think that’s the only way I’ll find real happiness. I know all writers want to make money. Who doesn’t want to pay their bills? I do. I’d be bullshitting you if I said different. I would be a lot happier if I wasn’t burdened by a mountain of student loan debt.

My latest book deals with suicide, and maybe I shouldn’t telegraph that. Plain and simple. Sorry to drop it so bluntly. Unfortunately, the book won't be plain nor simple, but that's just how I write. My life has been marred numerous times by the pervasive grip of this subject matter. Too many left turns. Too many moments left calculating my worth and coming up short. Maybe my agent or someone else will direct me later to remove this paragraph. But I will say that the information is weighing me down. I already back-burnered this book once before, several years ago, when it got to this same point and was affecting me personally. I’m only human.

This time though, I know it’s different. I have to keep going. I can feel the pain in people lately, almost emanating from them when I’m near them. It’s like a message to me not to stop. People need to have certain stories, certain books and certain thoughts available to them. There has to be some personal level of counsel available to them. Everything that I’ve seen on this subject – is lacking. It’s no wonder people don’t know where to turn to for help. There’s nothing to relate to.

This is where I’ve been in case anyone that cares wants to know. Inside my head and deep inside the past. I’m not trying to be noble, I’m just being me. It’s not selflessness, it’s self-avoidance. There's just not enough outlets in this life and I must fashion my own.

Some people have hated me and gotten over it, of which I'm thankful for, others have loved me and now loathe me -- something I couldn't help. Some people joke me so often behind my back all their words are written into their faces for me to read later, in quieter moments. Those moments often are faster approaching than the back-biters realize, too. But those things no longer bother me as I'm past all of it. I don’t know what life has in store for me, but I do know what I have to give others … and to me, that’s all that really matters. Isn’t it?

All the stories I wrote were true? The answer is as unfortunate as all our lost moments together.

...

Moving up the charts ...

2010-04-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

... but still far beyond the stars ...

I was a little shocked to learn earlier tonight that my book, even if temporarily, has topped out as the number 1 best selling AmazonEncore book. These ratings are based upon the Amazon Sales rankings, and it's far from number 1 overall and far from a bestseller at 15,498, but be advised, these numbers are constantly moving and always fluid.

I think the goal is for AmazonEncore to have as close to a best-seller as possible, if not an out-right best-seller. These are goals that seem obvious when weighing the emerging presence of a new publisher making a name for themselves. I hope my book Greyhound can do this. Honestly. Seriously. Why not? I think this is actually the same thought that every Encore author has for themselves. Breaking below the 10,000, 5,000 and 1,000 mark is no easy task, but the closer Greyhound gets to that, the higher the likelihood that it will create enough interest and really take off.

Best-sellers stay at the top for some time and not just periodically, so getting there is one thing, but staying there will be something else. On Monday morning, the day before the book came out, I awoke to a buzzing grassroots campaign being undertaken by several people I know from Facebook, blogger and several Amazon Forums, all of them spreading the word about the release and shooting my name into wider concentric circles moving outwards, mention by mention. Seeing something like this happen is quite eye-opening. Friends taking it upon themselves to promote your work doesn't happen everyday. It's good to have a 'netwurk,' as they say. There's the proof. Most of these folks are writers themselves, too, while many are readers, librarians, and book enthusiasts (does such a thing exist?), like Gae Polisner, Megan Bostic, Becky Kyle, Richard Hine, Chris Sithi Danette Piper and many others.

I've said many times how thankful I am, but let me repeat it, because I am. Thank you. Hopefully in the coming weeks word will get further and deeper -- and interest will peak in places where readership will really make a difference. On the map so far, I'll be featured in in the May edition WritingRaw.com answering their 7 Question Interview. I would like to tell you that NPR, Oprah and the New York Times are calling, but I'll just have to wait.

Twelve things I tell myself before I go to sleep ...

2010-04-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

I’ve been repeating many of these for years. Some I keep changing. Most I try to live by – even if I don’t.

1. You’ve got to do what you’re meant to do.

2. Enjoy the things that you know in your heart wont last.

3. Everything will change. Everything.

4. No one will ever love you as much as you want them to.

5. Do what you need to make yourself happy. You must because no one else will.

6. Your mind travels faster than your feet. Use your time wisely.

7. Sleep when you can. You won’t always be able to.

8. Those you love the most are not obligated to love you back – and often won’t.

9. Even if you think you know your fate, don’t leave it to chance.

10. The best things in life are those that you’ll never speak of.

11. The directions received from instinct are not to be ignored.

12. When in doubt ... there is no doubt.

I thought I better write these all down while I had the opportunity.

Steffan

Amazon Author Video is now live ...

2010-04-16T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the author video Chris and I made is finally up and live on the Amazon Site and streaming. Fingers crossed that the video does its job and boosts sales through viewing and exposure. There should also be a few more adjustments to the Q&A text and a photo addition as well sometime early next week.

More shorts to come in the following weeks.

Greyhound Q and A ...

2010-04-13T15:35:00.001-07:00

What is Greyhound about?

Greyhound is the story of an eleven year old boy named Sebastien Ranes who is abandoned by his mother as the book opens and we find her dropping him off in the Stockton Greyhound bus station to travel across country, unaccompanied, to go live with his Grandmother in Altoona, Pennsylvania over 2500 miles away.

I’ve been working on Greyhound, both in my head and on paper, for about twenty-five years. I have boxes of journals in my garage detailing many of the stories that are in the book, thoughts I had back then when I was travelling back and forth by bus, and other small details that made the book have a strong sense of authenticity. I guess I would be considered what some call a diarist. I don’t write events down everyday and then time-stamp them, but I do have a tendency to keep plugging away data into tiny books that sometimes resemble stream of consciousness and sometimes have a concise crumb trail.

Most of the experiences that are in the book are events that actually happened and have taken place in my life, writing about them within the confines of three hundred pages isn’t so easy, but I felt compelled to write about those days. Those years were a very difficult time for me, and pulling a lot of those feelings forward again brought out a lot of feelings that I had buried. A few of the themes I covered like stuttering have a more elusive and artful interpretation, while the theme of smoking, or my displeasure of people who smoke, has a more direct and obvious message.

Several of the characters in the book are modeled after personal experiences and many of the conversations that are had, especially those regarding Daryl Hall are conversations that I’d both heard and had myself as a child. Writing about much of this was an incredibly rewarding and therapeutic experience for me. I’m very satisfied at the result of greyhound and thankful for everyone that helped bring it forward since the first moment it was birthed into its first-draft form.

Was the Marcus Franklin character a real person?

Marcus was a real person that I met on the bus. I’ve thought quite a bit about my experience with him and the conversations that we had into the middle of the night. When you’re young, it’s the simplest and kindest of gestures that have the most effect and create the most lasting of memories. A bag of pretzels can be the equivalent of much more over the passage of time. Not having good role models growing up, or any rather, I often found myself reaching outward for a guide or role models from external sources. Those are often the most dangerous because they have a limit as to what they can give back to you. Those limits are not always visible, especially when you’re young. Not having a father, I spent the majority of my adult life searching for a suitable alternate, and never succeeding, it shaped me from the character you read about in Greyhound who feels like he’s turning into a mannequin to the adult who actually became Pinocchio later on.

In coming up with the last name for Marcus, because I had no idea of what his real last name was, I landed on Franklin because it was the middle name of one of my favourite actors, Avery Brooks. It’s actually his middle name. Marcus was, for me, much like the way I’ve seen Avery Brooks in different things over the years. I saw similarities in my memories of Marcus in Brooks many times. Both Marcus Franklin and Avery Brooks came across as men definitely greater than the sum of their parts; and that message alone, to convey to the viewer and the reader, is a very powerful one. I think we often take things like that too much for granted or even fail to recognize them at all.

Why did you set the book in 1981? Is that version of America gone forever?

I set the book in 1981 because it was a period where life was very different than it is today and in more ways than can be imagined in books or through culture. Some people may not remember it that well, or not have lived though it but many have. The most important facet of that time was that it was the beginning of the modern world as we now know it. The world was in a cataclysmic upheaval in the early eighties whether people realized it or not, and it truly was the dawning of the culture that now seems to have shaped the last thirty years from music, film, clothes, literature and even speech. Most of our transmutable information that we share had its birth during this period.

It’s hard to say if it’s finally waning, as people have a tendency to hold on tightly to the past and love again all things retro. But the eighties was an era of ‘analog communication’ versus what we have today, which is digital. From telephones to records, everything was analog then and it had an effect on everything it touched. People were forced to make more direct links with each other, reach out, touch and feel the world around them. There was a need to verify the space in front of them. Today’s world seems to ask us repeatedly to do the opposite and not verify our world at all, but mainly because our world-view has become much more fragile and our personal stake in life fraught with intense peril. 1981 was surely a pivotal time in American History and will probably be regarded as such the further we move from it.

In reading Greyhound, you may feel and recognize direct similarities with current time, but that’s because the problems people face are the same and timeless. Finding compassion and friendship and dealing with intense personal isolation is something that we’re far from understanding and dealing with even on a personal basis.

Hall & Oates figure into the story as well, almost like a backstory. Did they have an influence on you growing up?

I believe 1981 was the zenith of that era for a lot reasons. Hall & Oates figure into the story because they, too, had hit a high-water mark in their career and it was hard to go anywhere and not hear their music or see their faces in advertising. Their music dramatically effected me as a kid not just because of the catchiness but because it may have been some of the first music that I had heard that made me realize that there was much more going on in music than just what was on the surface.

The music of Hall & Oates has endured quite nicely and has even begun to make a resurgence in the last number of years. I keep seeing more and more references to them in films, music and literature. The sounds they created were a definite touchstone for many of us, and young people are still discovering them today, which adds to the legitimacy of what they offered up.

I thought Hall & Oates served the story of Greyhound well, because the book is very much the same way. You can very quickly read this book in one setting and enjoy it, or you can read it at a slower pace and digest much more information as I’ve purposefully layered information in the book to make people think. Some readers might think that my technique of layering is a tactic, or a something done after the fact to pepper the book, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. These are some of the first thoughts I had when planning Greyhound and having several things going on at once is just the way I write. Hall & Oates, and many other similar elements, were always supposed to be a part of the book. I wanted to have a thread about playing Chess, one of my other loves in life, but as the book came out and onto paper, I couldn’t find a place for it and thus had to scale back my intentions. Not everything goes according to plan.

The book focuses on Stuttering, is this something else from your childhood?

I stuttered a great deal as a child, and was teased intensely for it. I struggled as an adult to break free from it, not just because it is probably the most mentally debilitating and frustrating experience I think a child can have, but the stigma of it is unbearable. When people hear you stutter, they’ll immediately shut down and dismiss what you have to tell them -- even if you’re trying to tell them the chemical formula which may be the cure for cancer. Stuttering immediately makes people uncomfortable and they tune you out. It’s a sad fact. It won’t matter how important your information is either, they’ll think you’re stupid and turn away. It may sound harsh, but as a society we’ve been led to believe that stupidity and stuttering go hand in hand. Sadly, that just isn’t the case. If you are reading this and you think my words are ‘politically incorrect’, then you probably haven’t stuttered or felt the stigma or isolation of it. I haven’t read much material over the years that purposefully covers this or does the reality of it justice, but I think it’s something to be addressed.

I also do not give you the reader, the affliction of stuttering in obvious spoonfuls like some bad tasting medicine or in some base, pulp-fiction manner. I’ve done it in a way, if you’re paying attention, that you’ll experience stuttering, as a reader, the same way someone who stutters experiences it. Internally and with frustration. Having continuous sections of staccato dialogue is only the smallest part of stuttering and just the tip of the iceberg. It was always my hope to shed light on this struggle in this book and I hope that you can do your best to look for it. If you read this book and think that I’ve forgotten my plight as a writer to elucidate this information, just do me a favour and look closer. It’s like ‘Choose your own Adventure’ or one of those fantasy role-playing games. You shape the story you read here not by what you expect but by what you actually see and experience. I’ll leave it at that.

Do you have any regrets about that period of your life?

Other than surviving it? It may sounds defeatist or nihilistic, but many times I’d wished I hadn’t. I have lots of regrets. I’m just being honest here. I think that’s just the perspective a young boy who continually takes a beating by the world at large would feel, and did feel. That little boy, Sebastien Ranes was me and still is to this day.

I’ve always maintained firmly that anybody that says that they don’t have any regrets, is not only full of themselves but either in denial or lying to you. I’ll also add to that, that those kinds of people should be avoided, too. We all have regrets. The real question is whether we are mature enough to admit them to ourselves and to other people. If someone says ‘life is too short to have regrets,’ I’d say watch your step. Life is too short not to meditate on our wrong turns, our failures r our fears.

I once heard that motivational speaker Brain Tracy say ‘Success is across the sea of Failur.’ It’s true. You cannot have success in life if you haven’t met with failure, lots of it in fact. And just because you succeeded on the 560^th attempt to do something doesn’t mean that you don’t regret the time spent struggling through the other 559 tries. It’s just not plausible. Joy gives way to the realization of ‘was it worth it?’ People who chase obsessions and meet their ‘goals’ often tell, very wisely, that it is not worth it. Everything has a cost and the price of it takes a heavy toll on us. Some will understand this fully, while may not. It’s like staring at the drawing of the woman looking into the mirror. What do you see?

Those years of my life took a heavy toll on me, no doubt. Things will never be what they probably should’ve been and I can’t expect everyone to understand the real hell that some of us go through to get out the other side. It’s not like Shawshank Redemption where you see Tim Robbins wearing a nicely pressed white shirt and cruising the coast in a red convertible. Most of us get through hell and come out alone, shattered and definitely in some state of shock. That’s just the bare-faced facts of it. I’ve done my best to recount those days to you. It may come across as foreign, or even too mature at times, but in those days I was forced to be mature and detached, wooden and flinching. I think many others in my similar situation, who read this book were, too. Surviving through trauma removes all the innocence from a person and starts to wallpaper over all that is missing with cynicism, self-loathing, sarcasm, heightened personal awareness and an unhealthy dose of self-sufficiency that is often more frustrating than rewarding.

Are their certain things that you’re afraid to write about, or certain things that you won’t write about?

Sure. Most of the things I see in my sleep at night are unfit for the printed page. I think I have a total of eight or nine more books about young Sebastien in me. After that, I may switch to either Science-Fiction or the genre known as Dystopian Fiction. My life has many unhappy days and twisted turns that people would scarce believe, but the truth is, as always, life is stranger than fiction and always will be. The more advanced we supposedly become, the more complex our stories unfold. Unlike the mode of storytelling in the classics, we cannot rely upon mythical beasts or Gods on mountain tops to elucidate our points.

I’m also afraid to write about many specific things from my life, too. As I bring back some of these stories to the surface there’s the reality that other people who are involved in my life and other people I know sometimes want to see themselves in the roles of the characters. But that’s the rub. Sometimes, no matter how much you tell someone that the character they’re reading about is not them, they’ll read into your words, your tone, believe what they want and run with it. It’s the nature of the beast and that’s for better or worse. Often times it’s for the worse and has pain involved. Some people you’ll just never reach and you’re probably not meant to, either.

Did you always want to be a writer? Did you always see yourself that way?

Hahaha. Are your kidding me? Absolutely not. I never saw myself as a writer growing up, although I knew that I was going to write from a young age. When I was coming up in my teens and early twenties, the big struggle for me was to keep fed and to keep a roof over my head and to stay out of trouble. That was difficult enough. Some people might be reading this and thinking that there’s not much special about that, because we all emotionally go through that, but with me, I often failed to do those things and I was on my own. I spent years not knowing who I was, or where I was going; and I don’t mean that in a figurative sense either.

I spent a lot of time just trying to stay alive and get off the streets. I also had a very healthy fear of winding up in prison and I did everything I possibly could to avoid that. Thankfully, in that, I was successful. Everyday for me was a struggle and I’m blessed to have the life that I live now and I appreciate it. But during those many dark hours, I was writing. I was working on my books and a few times the only possessions I had was my writing. Literally. Looking back, that’s a pretty sad statement, but it was what it was.

My mental perspective of what a writer is, or that lifestyle, was probably something glamorous like the Hitchcock version of Carey Grant. My mind had fantasized some Nuevo-rich single bachelor, living on the Med wearing yellow dress shirts, eating breakfast on the veranda, suntanned and well-womaned, sporting a twenty-four hour Cheshire-cat grin. That might sound incredibly romantic, but that’s the way I formulated it and it was about as far from reality as you could get, or at least in regards to the life that I was living. I still haven’t achieved that and I doubt I ever will, because our fantasies are not supposed to meet up with real-life. Some people write about that, some people try to live for it instead. I’ll take the latter.

Do you plan the material out before writing? What goes into creating a story like Greyhound?

Well, like I’ve said before, all the stories I write are true. I’m not writing memoirs, mind you, and I do fictionalize them as needed, but I have enough personal experiences from my real life that I don’t actually have to make stuff up if I don’t feel like it. I have enough material that could keep me going for the next twenty years or so but the story has to be compelling and compact and perform a certain amount of magic, otherwise it’s journalism.

When it comes to the text and the message, I know exactly what I want to say with every book and I know what the hidden sub-plots are going to be and what subliminal messages I want to send out, too. But when the act of writing occurs, I’m like a train flying ‘above’ a set of tracks far off the ground. I can see it all below me, but the vehicle is definitely doing its own thing.

Stephen King frowns on stuff like this, but I’ll readily admit that I plot and plan everything out that I’m going to write about. I have boxes of stuff that gets tucked away into my garage every time I finish writing a book. From detailed index cards that cover the walls of my office, bedroom and bathrooms (plural), to diaries, notebooks, sketches, stacks of photographs that I’ve collected from people, sources online and even ebay. I tend to get a bit obsessive with it. These are the things that keep me writing when it feels like it’s the hardest thing to do and they keep me focused when it’s flowing. One day when people are tripping over grocery store book racks of my stuff, maybe I’ll change, but I’m far from that point yet.

Greyhound was something that I wrote very quickly. I actually had pneumonia and was in pretty bad shape during the period where I wrote the last 150 or so pages. I’m shocked I didn’t get sidetracked and give up, but that’s just how a burning desire forces you forward when you’re in the thick of it. I’m glad it came out the way it did and I think I did honor to both my characters and the subject matter of Greyhound itself. I was honored by an Editor over at Penguin Books (ahem, lol) who said that ‘It was an Elegy to Greyhound’. That’s great marketing when your competition says something that fantastic about your book. They should blurb it on the back cover.

Some of the material in the book is pretty heady for an eleven year old boy turning twelve. Got anything to say about that?

I grew up in England and I’m the product of the British educational system, so that will always be an influence upon everything that I write. I had read Tolkien, Dickens and Arthur Conan Doyle completely and numerous times by this period in my life, so by no means was ‘Steffan Piper’ a dull child. My downfall was just in my ability to express these things outwardly, even though I struggled hard to do so where others didn’t really have to. My upbringing reading the classics however, laced my day to day diction with archaic and Victorian words like ‘bounder’, ‘hansom’ and ‘gaffer’. I once stuttered over the word ‘miasma’ in class and was teased about it for over a year. They put it to My Sherona: “M-m-m-my miasma!” The obvious and painful reality of being a kid seems like an everlasting motif.

When I was ten, Sherlock Holmes was my all time hero. Maybe it was the easiness with how he held himself against the solitary nature and the isolation of living amongst mortals that was so accessible in that material that I found appealing. I think it was the same for Dicken’s Twist as well. These were themes I very quickly recognized and latched onto at that age. Shortly after that, when I was twelve reading Carlos Castaneda, his books definitely changed my life. The idea of releasing and letting go of your self-image, during a period of my life where I was supposed to be finding that out, was alluring, and I knew better, too. I gripped onto Castaneda for dear life for about four or five years. I read those books so many times, I probably scared a few counselors at school, lol.

During the editing we discussed some of the language as well and we edited the language down dramatically. One of the editors railed in a spirited discussion that a twelve year old wouldn’t use the word ‘Cacophony.’ Sadly, I buckled. A few weeks later, I heard that word and few others I took out, spoken by none other than Spongbob Squarepants. For the record, Spongebob is geared for five year olds. My heart broke like a piece of dry wood in fall, if you were anywhere near me, you might’ve been able to have heard it.

I think when we start thinking as adults that we need to limit material to what we believe young people are capable of, or is normal to them, we immediately have done them a disservice, because most of them would probably shame us in regards to what we know, or think we know.

I had a handful of early readers tackle Greyhound and several were teenagers and few around the age of young Sebastien. All of them loved the book and found it intelligent and provocative. I was told that they had wished that more books were written like this and spoke to them so clearly. While a few of my British readers wondered why I was using American spelling, understandably, none of them thought the language was out of place for the character.

I have a belief that if the adults that read this book made a list of the words that they think that a twelve year old boy doesn’t know, hasn’t heard or never used, I’d say take that list and go stand in front of a seventh grade class and watch how quickly you get laughed at and lovingly escorted back to your car. If I read those books that had so much meaning to me when I was that young, and you read those same books when you wee that young, then it goes without saying that they have and will, too. The ultra-American precept of ‘I’m the only genius in a room of dullards’ is disturbing. We just have to recognize that we have to work at not being cynical. It serves no purpose and sucks the joy from the room faster than missing a bus in the rain.

Greyhound comes out April 20th, 2010 published by AmazonEncore.

Many Thanks to Family and Friends ...

2010-04-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

I just want to give a quick thanks to some folks who have helped me with the post-production work with the release of Greyhound.

1. Chris Sithi ...

Filming, editing, advice and dedication with our ongoing video series. You can usually find him here.

2. Connie Le Sithi ...

Still photography and imaging. You can always find her here. Her images on the product page are fantastic.

3. Hiroshi Masuda ...

World-class classical and folk guitarist from Japan who inspres many on Youtube as 'Peacetownjoy'.

Thank you for helping me along the way and getting this done.

Just a quick hello from me to the readers ...

2010-04-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

Just a few words from yours truly. I'm going to be posting a series of videos about myself and the book.

If you have any questions specific to the book, please feel free to email them to me and I'll do my best to get to them.

High 5 to 20th Century Fox ...

2010-03-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

Think: Marcus -- Greyhound. Okay, feel me, 20st Century Fox?

Yes, Vanna ... it still happens ...

2010-03-25T22:34:00.001-07:00

Greyhound made it home ...

2010-03-22T14:15:00.001-07:00